Cold perspiration covers my skin. The rain falls against me and soaks my clothes, makes my mascara run in dark, long lines down my cheekbones. Wind blows through my ears, muting any other possible sounds, including my sobs. I don’t know where to go. I can’t go back to the house. I have no one here that I can turn to. And I have no money to buy anything… not even enough for a hotel for a night. A door slams somewhere in the close vicinity and I jump and sprint farther away from my personal hell. She yells and stumbles onto the lawn, but I’m already too far into the night for her to see with the eyes she has on tonight. My boot slips on the wet pavement and my palms scrape the ground just in time to save me from completely crashing. I hurry to get up and keep running, no idea of my final destination. All I can think of is to get as far away as I can force myself to. I turn the block and see the dilapidated park a ways down the road. One last mom is strolling her worn-out toddler out the bordering fence to make their short journey home for the night. I slow my pace so I don’t startle them. Once I’m safely past, I sprint towards my safe haven for the night. I’ve been to this park before. Not a lot, but a couple times at least. It’s great for tonight because it has a little shelter- one of those little buildings that used to be a children’s school bus stop. My boots squeak as I walk across the grass and curl up in a ball underneath it. Now that I’m out of the wind, my sobs sound ear-shattering in the small space. I then do something I haven’t done in a long time- I pray, silently. I feel a little better almost immediately. I rock back and forth and wait for the morning to come.
June 26, 2010