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Time Heals All Wounds
If the proverb is 'time heals all wounds' shouldn't that be true? Shouldn't it have made this pain go away? The ache that was deep inside of me. Shouldn't it have disappeared by now? Why was it still linger? It had been a year, a full year. And I still couldn't get over his death.
Maybe it was because I felt responsible. Maybe because I felt I was the one person he was trying to reach out to that day. He had liked me. I knew that, but I assumed it was just another school boy crush. I never knew that... I didn't even want to think about it.
But no matter what I did, I could never get my mind off the details I had learned. His parents checked his computer after the initial shock was over and they were trying to cope. They just wanted to see if they could find some reason as to why he would...
That's when they contacted me. The only thing on his computer from that day had been the im he was talking to me, or trying to talk to me, in. It was simple. He said hey, I said hi, he asked what's up, and I said I had to go get ready cause Tony was coming by to get me for a movie. And just like that the conversation was over. Well, he had sent one more message, but it never reached me since I was in the process of shutting down my mac, but it was on his computer, just as plain as day. Just a few little words. "I'll love you till the day I die."
Now, even if the words had reached me, I wouldn't have thought much of it. I would have just said what I normally did, something along the lines of 'Aw. You'll find someone better than me.' He was my best friend. What else did he expect me to say? I never had feelings for him. At least not like that, but time changes us.
After his death... suicide, I did a lot of thinking and a lot of crying. Tony tried to console me for a few days, but after that he broke up with me saying he couldn't handle how I was acting. Aiden was right about him. He was right about a lot of things. We used to laugh and sit in my tree house out back and talk about things. One of the things was always how I deserved a better guy, someone that would be there no matter what, someone that wouldn't abandon me when I really needed him.
When I started dating Tony, our chats in the tree house ended. Tony wasn't a fan of Aiden and vice versa. But I always cared whateach thought about the other. Tony because he was my boyfriend, and Aiden because he was my best friend, someone who had known me since the sandbox days. Aiden was always leaving me notes, sending me ims trying to get me to leave Tony. But I never had.
Looking back, its one of the many things I regret. He was an a**hole. Aiden... Aiden was someone I'll never be able to forget. He always seemed so full of life, so happy. But... something wasn't right. His parents, though never saying it aloud, blamed me for his death, I'm almost sure of it. But it wasn't my fault... Not entirely at least.
I mean, I suppose I was the one that made him have the feelings, but he was the one that had the gun and the one that used it. That didn't mean it was my fault, did it? I know I have feelings of guilt, but I just... how was I supposed to know he was going to do that? If I had known, I wouldn't have went with Tony. I would have went straight to Aiden. He was my best friend. My very best friend. I would have done anything in the world to help him. How could he just leave me behind?
But in a way he didn't. His sister found me in my tree house crying a few weeks after his death. She had a letter clutched in her fist and had handed it to me before leaving without a word. Looking at the envelope had twisted my stomach in knots. The scrawl was Aiden's. I would have recognized it anywhere. I remember ripping the letter open, hoping to have some answers.
The letter was short, one that I committed to memory after I read it. It didn't have what I wanted. Just a short little quote with his explanation under it.
“It is necessary for us to learn from others' mistakes. You will not live long enough to make them all yourself.”
Doll, when you read this, you'll probably wanna kill me (no pun intended), but I just want you to remember that, okay? Learn from my mistake. Tell the person you love, that you love them.
I love you, Jade, forever and ever till I die and even after.
I didn't know what to think of it at the time. I was stunned, floored, but most of all upset at myself. I stayed in my tree house until it started pouring rain an hour later, and my father climbed into the tree house and forced me out.
How could I not have realized it? Realized I meant more to him than I really knew? Maybe that was why the ache was still in my chest. Maybe its because I was learning from my mistake, but it was too late. No matter how much I wanted him back in my life, Aiden was gone, but the ache and the sadness he left would stay with me and I knew that.
I laid the red roses down on his grave as the tears rolled down my cheeks. "I love you, Aiden." I murmured as I looked up toward the sky. I knew he was up there. Somewhere up there. But it didn't numb the pain. He was my best friend. My very best friend. And he was gone forever.