America the changing

June 25, 2010
By Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain't nessecary it's the stupid ones that need the advise


"So Suze! You finished with your America the beautiful speech yet? Hope asked… well hopefully.

"Sorry, but no. I can't go out tonight." We walked home in silence, with just the rhythm of our feet padding on the tan cement sidewalk. We parted our own ways and went home. As soon as I got through the door I plodded down on the desk chair and bore into the paper with my eyes. I had written a total of two words: Suzanna Michaels.

America the Beautiful! America the Beautiful? Really I couldn't think of something so "beautiful" to write about. Yeah, I mean our country itself is beautiful. But the people in it? Not so much! I decided then and there that I was going to write a speech so moving and truthful that it would blow the judges down the Mississippi river and all the way to Brazil.

"In America I look around and see the flowers and landscapes, and I see the beauty in our country. Who doesn't marvel in awe at the pink hues of the sunset or even the oranges and blues? But what you don't think about is the fact that those wonderful colors are caused by pollution.

America the free, some people call it. Yeah right. Of course unless you mean free to kill an innocent baby before it breathes its first breath. Or free to exercise prejudice against people of different culture. We should call ourselves America the Judging. If someone is wearing a certain type of clothing or a lot of black we automatically categorize them. He's goth, she's a hic, he's a scrub. What if that so called goth just wanted to wear black that day? What if that "Scrub" is having a hard time at home and doesn't have any time to care about it?

America the greedy is also appropriate. Let's say you buy a lottery ticket and win 15 million dollars. You spend it on a very nice vacation and retirement. But what about the people who don't have enough money to rent a room or buy food, the starving kids in Africa? What about the single mothers struggling to make a living? I assure you they need it more.

America the choosy. I always see people walking around in pink support breast cancer shirts. But why do you very rarely see purple to support all cancers? Or the color for leukemia?

America the Brave is another name we have been called. Is it really brave to kill thousands of people? It's wrong even when the cause is just. Is it brave to not send food to countries who need it when America has the highest obesity rate of all of them?

The last name I'll give America is America the changing. Though I have seen many things in America that are ugly and wrong I still see hope. America has the ability to change and I see it happening every day all around me. It's the hope that still glistens our eyes. That is why America is America the beautiful. "

I finished the speech with a large breath and lowered my head in a sort of bow. I saw tears shining in some eyes, anger burning in others', but mostly I saw realization and agreement. They knew I was right. Nodding, the judges dismissed me and I left with pleasure. Once outside I looked all around me and saw it. America the beautiful. America the Changing.


The author's comments:
i wrote this for power of the pen. the prompt was america the blank and i received a 2 (one being the best)

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This article has 8 comments.


AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 20 2010 at 10:56 am
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

The Good:  Wow.  That was amazing.  Your writing was strong, your message was powerful, and I could tell you really believed in what you were writing.  Kudos to you for taking a stand.  I may not agree with every single one of your points, but I do agree with you that America is changing, and I think it would be a change for the better if there were more people who are passionate about America like you seem to be.  Never stop writing, or standing for what you believe is right.

The Bad: You left out a quotation in the first sentence. ;)

The Random:  Great job!

J7X


on Sep. 6 2010 at 6:54 pm
SecretNonConformist SILVER, Marblehead, Massachusetts
6 articles 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing necessary for the triumph of
evil is for good men to do nothing."
-Edmund Burke

"Bless the children, give them triumph, now!"
Aeschylus, The Libation Bearers

 You are a talented writer. That's the best thing :) It was interesting how you made this a fiction piece when it seems to be your own opinions. Also, you could've developed the characters more so it would seem more fictional. I'd have liked to learn about what Hope wrote for her speech, and what Suzanna was thinking while she wrote this, even what she wore to the competition. I'm sorry, I just love characters. Anyways, great job!

on Sep. 3 2010 at 6:54 pm
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain't nessecary it's the stupid ones that need the advise

Thank you for your feedback and i completely agree with you. I would have thought my facts through a bit more if i had had time but it was a forty minute competition so i didnt have that much time! and of course i'll look at your piece

on Sep. 3 2010 at 10:32 am
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

. I thought this was a very good writing piece.  It had beautiful words and it had a very hopeful and nice ending after pointing out some peoblems America has.

That being said, I thought this was also terribley one-sided and bias.  Yes, America with the hight obestiy rate.  And yet, you leave out the stupendously high anorexic and bulimic rate.

And yes, most Americans would spend 15 mil on themselves, friends, and families.  But I don't see any reasoning as to how a French person might spend the money differently.  Or an Indian.  Or an Austrailian.  Or a Russian.

Not to mention, America DOES send food to starvig countires.

And last, I see nothing wrong with supporting the fight breastcancer.  I mean, yes, it would be absolutley wondrful if al cancers got that kind of attension, but look at the facts before writing something like this.  Breast cancer occurs in over 12% of American woman, while leukimia occurs in under 2% of males.  Breast cancer gets more awarness and publicity than other ancers because it is one of the most commonly occuring.  I think it's a good thing that there is more publicity for it, because more people have it!

 

Anyway, I though your article itself was good.  I though that facts could have been looked at more closley, and the view could have been more unbias.

Can you look at my story, "Enocunter"?  I want to see what somebody with your views would think about it.


on Jul. 26 2010 at 8:18 pm
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain't nessecary it's the stupid ones that need the advise

Thank you!! But it all depends on who you are in the room with. There are six people and your score is sort of like what place it got. The other person's must have been very good!

on Jul. 26 2010 at 6:17 pm
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 431 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)

I agree with pretty much all you wrote in there. America can change, for the better. You expressed it very well. :) I think you should have gotten a one!

on Jul. 19 2010 at 10:43 pm
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain't nessecary it's the stupid ones that need the advise

Thank you. This was for a writing competition. I got a two out of 6(one bieng the best)

a.m.f BRONZE said...
on Jul. 19 2010 at 9:56 pm
a.m.f BRONZE, Gainesville, Florida
3 articles 12 photos 97 comments

Favorite Quote:
"God never shuts a door unless he opens another."

I like this.  I agree with your opinion 100%.  Everything you wrote about America is true, and I too think that America has the potential to change and become all the different things people believe it is.


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