Insecurities

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I am not pretty enough, I am not smart enough, I am not strong enough to amount to anything. Why is that? Thousands of people have the ability to do more; why am I not one of them? I know that I am being hypocritical here but that is another character flaw. I know I tell people to think otherwise, but this is about me. While others may be capable of doing great things, I am not. It is the truth so do not deny it. The funny thing is, other people try to tell me that I am capable...Stop lying. I find it sad that nobody has seen through my facade. Yes, that is correct, I hold a guise. What the world has seen is not who I truly am. Why has nobody seen it yet? I put on a show of being intelligent and having wit, but, dear people, I have none.

Some call this insecurity, I call it facing reality. There comes a time in everyone's life in which they must look at their portrait; even Dorian Gray ended up seeing his. I am just like Dorian Gray for I have not gazed upon my portrait. It is time, I guess, that I pluck up the courage and look. Dorian Gray was forced to look but I have the option to look now and get it over with. It is time to gaze at my portrait and see reality. But I cannot help to wonder what will happen when I fix my gaze on that portrait. Will I blow up? Will my skin slowly crack and crumble as if it were rock like with what happened to Dorian? Will I cry? How will it look? Will it be a distorted version of me like a twisted caricature? I do not know, but I am here to find out.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. The regular rhythm of my heart soothes me enough to clear my mind. I imagine myself standing outside in a garden in the middle of the night. Nobody is around but me and this enormous castle. It towers over my feeble frame but it has flaws. The structure of the home is made of granite rock and it is built like a fort, but there are cracks everywhere. It appears as though the castle, at first glance, is as strong as a bull but with a more cautious eye, once can see that it has tragic flaws. I decide to walk inside the castle; all the while the wind whips at my hair. I stroll inside to see a welcome greeting by the little black spiders. There are cobwebs in each nook and corner with dust accumulating along with them. There is no light save what is coming from the window above. Out of all the distractions in this foyer, the daunting staircase draws my attention.

I immediately get pulled toward it as if an invisible force wants me there. As I ascend up the stairs, the red velvet walls seem to gleam wickedly in the innocent moonlight. I get up the stairs anyways and, to my great surprise, there is but one room on the second floor of this huge mansion. I painfully make my way to the empty, dun room and see that there are no windows. The wicked walls continue to gleam and they seem to point at one object. In the stark center of the room lies a portrait. There is a cover over the image but it is clear that it is a picture surrounded by an intricate gold frame. Slowly, I trudge my way in front of the portrait. My shaking hand reaches out to snatch the cover. I quickly remove the bland sheet covering the portrait. I move my gaze upward to look upon the portrait and I see...





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