The Raw Ramblings Of A Youth On A Bad Day

June 23, 2010
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I'm so sick and tired of everything right now. Of work, of school, of cliques, of not knowing what to say, of being stressed... good god, I'm just sick of everything. I'm sick of not understanding, not knowing. Tired of overanalyzing every little event in my life. I'm finished with now- I need to move forward! It's like being caught in traffic for hours, with no foreseeable relief.

This is just one of those days, isn't it? Fortunately I can skate tonight... I need to skate. To be free.

I need a dictionary. I have an urge to consume the words, an urge that demands satisfaction. Why doesn't anybody get it? Her face when she saw me... like I was doing something wrong, something stupid, like it was a plea for attention.

That's not right! I shouldn't feel self-conscious about anything I decide to read, whether it's a dictionary or something else! But I am, because of the ones who scorn me.

I know I shouldn't give a damn. The thing is, I can't help it. I'm different- yeah, we get it. Everybody knows. So why do they judge? I don't look at them and laugh at their use of the word (if it can be labeled as such) 'hella,' nor do I raise an eyebrow when they spend math class doing their makeup. I know that's just what they do. Can't they grasp that what I do is just different, not ridiculous or idiotic?

I just can't get these words out fast enough. My mind is high on confusion right now, high in a strange way that I can't explain.

Is it because of that one absence? Could that really have gotten my heart and mind into such a tangled mess? I suppose it's possible... How can I have let my emotions be so manipulated? I just don't understand it.

Ugh. I don't want to think anymore, to feel. I want it all to dissipate, to erode away, fast-forward.

But would that make my challenge easier, or worsen it?

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Claire_Milan said...
May 8, 2011 at 8:15 pm
This is very encouraging to me because I can totally relate to it. Great job!! =D
Ellawind said...
Sept. 5, 2010 at 10:20 am
Thanks, that means a lot to me. : I did check out your work, but I left feedback there, so I won't repeat myself here. Great job, though!
thepreechyteenager said...
Sept. 4, 2010 at 9:26 pm

Liked it a lot :)  The ending was preyyy legit.  I think it's so cool that you had the guts to write this down, and then post it on top of that!  I sometimes feel the need to write things like this, but I've never been one bold enough to write my emotions down.  It makes then =m feel too definate too me, to permanent.  I like to deny them, which is sorta sad, but true.

Anywya, really great little story, five stars :)

Again, I thought this was really amaz... (more »)

Saint_that_Sins This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 5, 2010 at 3:23 pm
very good! i like it alot! There is really nothing better than a good raw rant and that just what you did here; very nice!
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 9, 2010 at 6:55 am

I loved this!  It was, as you said in the title, very raw  but emotional and well-written, very relatable. Great job.   Keep writing!

Btw, will you check out and comment on my work?

Ellawind replied...
Jul. 11, 2010 at 6:05 pm
Thanks, knowing that it was relatable helps a lot, as that's one of the things I'm working n improving. I did check out your stuff, it's great! Keep writing!
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 11, 2010 at 6:14 pm
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