The darkness seeped with his visible breath before him, as he began walking - in all nervousness towards her grandmothers house. She was more a friend than a grandma to her, and her hospitality created a relaxing, yet chaotic home always filled with new faces and new events. He was always welcomed there, especially since he had gotten so close with her granddaughter in the past month or so. He slowly walked towards the gate leading to the backyard, taking slow breaths in and out so he wouldn't choke or say something wrong or any negative things that quickly filled his mind. He entered to see a handfull of people laughing, talking and doing what normal college dropouts and what-nots do with their friends on a friday night when unexpectedly, he saw his girl and a guy next to her. This guy being Ben. Even more thoughts filled his mind and he didn't even know what words could or would possibly fall out of his mouth as his heart dropped to the ground and his eyes felt like cinderblocks were placed on top of them and his brain would just explode soon if he didn't get all of these memories out of his head. All he could think of doing was to walk out. Simply go back to his car and drive home.... he had no right to be here if she had him again. But then more thoughts entered his head like lightning bolts scattering throughout his mind and he thought about all of the amazing days they've had together lately. The beach for her cousin's birthday and the smiles and the unexpected kisses when no one was looking and walking on the pier and gazing into her eyes as if they were stars that filled his sky. But all of that became a blur. All of it was a blur. If there was Ben, life was a blur. If she wasn't with him, he was a blur.
June 17, 2010