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Shadows quivered on the wall as the candle flickered, then fizzled to nothing. Our power was out, like always, we’ve been poor ever since dad quit his job. He says he refuses to be belittled by a trust fund baby. We’re sitting here in the dark just because he couldn’t swallow his pride and do the job.
I walked into the empty space, which we use to call the living room, to find my father walking in drunk. Dad always went on and on to mom about how he was the big provider in the family, but yet he can’t even bring us home a decent meal. I guess that’s why mom left us almost a year ago. Now it’s just me and my little brother, Joseph. As I watch dad walk through the door, I notice he can’t even stand up straight. It’s always like this; he stumbles a few times and just passes out on the living room floor.
There is nothing I can say to him; he always thinks he’s right. Sometimes he even brings strange women home. They’re really creepy; they would tell me my dad is a good man he takes good care of them. I’m not sure what they meant by that, but I don’t understand how he could take care of them and not us. Joseph always asked where mom was, but dad just told him to shut up.
I wanted things to be better, but what can I do I’m only 12. Our father cares nothing about us. Mom left us here with a crazy man. We don’t have any relatives to turn to. I guess me and Joseph are just going to have to pray that we have a better day tomorrow. That is if there is a tomorrow.





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This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

banangela29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 18, 2010 at 9:23 am
I feel like this story was just the bqackground to a bigger story that could be happening. You have a great background sotry, it'd be even better if you could just work it into a bigger story with a conflict. Good job, I like your writing :)
 
roxymutt said...
Jun. 17, 2010 at 11:14 pm
i really like the last few lines :D they are very moving buti feel taht you should expand on it..does he beat them? whats their house like? good job though
 
Spectacles replied...
Jun. 18, 2010 at 12:05 am
This is a little better, there's more showing, but again it felt more like a summary, try to use more imaginative wordings, such as "stumbling in" instead of "walking in"  Another thing you could do is give a little detail here and there. When you say "Empty space" it makes me think of emptiness, four walls, a floor, and a ceiling.  Show the reader a piece of furniture, stains on the rug, a broken lamp, or anything else that comes to mind.  Just be creative and show the readers wh... (more »)
 
Spectacles replied...
Jun. 18, 2010 at 12:06 am
sorry, that should have been a new comment.
 
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