June 12, 2010
By Anonymous

I never thought you would know who I am. I'm just another shadow in the dark, another wallpaper on the wall, another petal on a sunflower. I'm the type of person who goes unnoticed. You're the kind of person that everyone knows. You're both famous and infamous. You're the flamboyant type of guy, the one who's out there, the real prankster. You're nothing like me. We're total opposites. You're divulged and I'm just delitescent. Exactly how we became to be friends, then something more, then frienemies... I don't even know.

This year, I was supposed to change. I was supposed to have a good year, I had everything all planned out. I wasn't going to get hurt, I was going to have a large clique of close friends, and be nice to everyone. I would redeem myself by having a reputation as the nice, sweet, girl that everyone loves.

That didn't happen.

If you were reading this, I could see you rolling your eyes right now. Oh, and wait, you just smiled a little bit. I can hear you sigh and mutter a few things about how, yes, everything came true. Well, you could say that it kinda did.

Sure, I'm not hurt as much, I have a large clique of close friends that I don't even like, I'm nice to everyone but the people I hate. I redeemed myself by haing the reputation as the nice, sweet, girl that everyone loves, everyone but a few people who make up more than half of our grade.

Do you remember the time that we first met? I think it was through mutal friends who liked each other... but wouldn't admit it. I'm not sure, because I try to erase everything about you from my mind.

Don't take it personally, but do you honestly expect me to want to remember you? After everything you did to me? Do you even know what you did to me? Right now, I can picture that confused look on your face. I can see what you're doing, you're thinking back to everything that happened between us... or at least everything major that you remember. I know you, I can read you like an open book... but you can't read me. No one can, it's just part of who I am.

I guess you were the first person to try to read me, most people don't even try. But you, you were different... and I guess that made all of the difference.

"So, it's just that, I don't know what I should do," my best friend, Ash said, talking about her crush. She sighed as we walked in the hallways together, her brunette hair falling into her face and covering up one eye.

My own dark brown hair was in a pony tail, but it was messy. I had just gotten out of gym class and wasn't exactly into this conversation. I shrugged, not really knowing what to say. "Try flirting with him a little. It's Calvin, right?"

I saw her blush a little bit, but that's when I met you. You and Calvin, the short blond kid, were walking down the hallways together. When you saw Ash, you waved at her, and Calvin blushed a little.

"Hey Paul!" Ash said, smiling, "Hi Calvin."

"Hey," You replied back- and that's when I knew your name, Paul.

Calvin smiled back shyly, "Hi." You both walked over to us and I immediately faded into the background. That's what I do whenever I meet someone, I blend in and get to know what kind of person they are... without talking to them.

Ash introduced me to you, Calvin said hi to me, but you... You just looked at me, smiled, and turned back to talk to Ash. Every now and then, you would look back towards me for some reason and that made me feel uncomfortable.

Why? Because you noticed me.

You noticed me. Me, the girl who never gets noticed.

"Hey, Dakota?" You asked and I looked up at you. That's when I noticed your brown eyes... the exact same color as someone's... "Do I know you?"

"Well," I said uncomfortably, I don't like talking to people I don't know well, "I don't know. We just met, so I guess you know me." I smiled a little and you laughed.

"No, I mean, I think I've seen you around. Maybe you were in my class last year?"

Last year? Oh god, don't bring up the subject of last year. I froze for a few minutes, and you looked at me confused. I quickly covered it up and responded, my voice a little shaky, "I don't know. I'm sorry."

"Oh," you said softly, and I felt like I let you down or something. Whatever that feeling was, I felt immediately bad... "Wait. Are you Dakota Spring?"

"Um... yeah," I said, and you looked interested. How you knew my name? The next sentence you said, however, made everything clear.

"The one who went out with Drew Winters last year? Yeah, weren't you in my Geography class?"

Immediately after you said Drew's name, I froze. I got that haunted look in my eyes and the memories of my first relationship came rushing back. I didn't know what you were doing, but Ash said that you knew it was a mistake. She said that your eyes got wider and that you earned a dirty look from her. I don't know if that's all true, but I guess I'll take her word for it.

"Yeah...." I siffilated, my voice soft and rough. "That's me."

"Oh," was all you could manage to get out. It was pretty awkward, and I knew that, but I couldn't bring myself to recover from what you said. Even if you might not have knew it, it was a hit beneath the belt.

I smiled after a while, but I knew that smile didn't reach my eyes. You were staring so intensely at me and you made me feel... I don't know, but it was a feeling that I never experienced before. This situation, I never experienced before. No one ever paid attention to me, no one ever mentioned Drew's name like it was nothing, no one ever looked at me like that the first time I meet them... but those three things- you did.

Why do people start liking each other? I don't know. I guess I'll never know. I guess I'll never know why I started liking you. After all, you're exactly the kind of person I swore I would never like... the typical prankster, the bad boy, the guy who has all the girls on his shoulders... Since the moment I met you, I've been keeping my eye on you. Don't deny it, I know how many girlfriends you had, I know the number of girls who liked you. I know that they still like you. And I know that you continue to flirt with them, messing around with their heart... just like how you still do that to me.

"Drew Winters and Dakota Spring," you said as we walked into science class togehter. We had every class together, a coincidence, and we were somewhat friends. "So, who are you going to date next? A guy with the last name Summers? Or Autumn?"

I laughed, "Psh. No way. Dating seasons isn't my thing." I rolled my eyes and you laughed.

"I guess you need a break from that, right? Wait, didn't you like Andrew Summers last year, before you and Drew went out?" You asked, mildly curious. I sighed, I already knew how you would know about me and Andrew- Alex Hunter, my ex-best friend, told everyone last year when I got him pissed off.

"Yeah, but I'm done dealing with seasons!" I said, getting all defensive, I saw an amused twinkle in your eyes as I objected again, "I don't like Andrew anymore! He's my best friend, he's like my brother... do you know how awkward that would be?"

"Hm... Reid Autumn and you would probably work out.. Spring and Autumn are pretty much the same thing," you said, after nodding to answer my question.

"Ew!" I said, getting the picture of Reid Autumn out of my head. Reid's a geeky science-obsessed guy who I find quite annoying. Sure, Ash was friends with him, but I hated him. "Are you kidding! We're nothing alike at all. Spring brings things to life, Autumn kills things. Come on, Paul, get your facts right!"

You rolled your eyes, "You're nothing alike? Come on, admit that you have at least somewhat similar names!"

"Fine. Fine. But having seasons as our last name is the only thing that we have in common!" I said, pushing him a little bit, "And I'm so done dealing with bipolar seasons. As I said before."

"Are you calling yourself, Drew, Andrew, and Reid bipolar?" You were genuinely surprised, for what reason? I don't know why, but you were.

"Yeah, guess I kinda am." I shrugged and you smiled at me. You were thinking about something, something that was funny, and something that probably had to do with me. "What?"

"Huh?" You asked as you snapped back into reality.

"What's so funny?"

You laughed, gently pushing me through the door to science class, "Come on Dakota, you're blocking the door."

"Are you kidding? My seat's next to Drew's?!" I shrieked, looking at the seating chart and then glaring once at Drew who looked quite content with his new seat. "Oh my gawd, can't I just switch with someone?"

"Ah, don't worry, it'll be fine," you said, putting your arm around my shoulder. Normally, I would've shrugged it away, but it felt good there, it made me feel warm inside. "Just ignore him or something. Remember that you didn't do anything wrong and that he's the one who broke your heart. You didn't ask for it."

"Okay. Thanks."

I walked to my seat and looked back over at you, you smiled and gave me the thumbs-up sign and I smiled. "YOU!" Drew yelled and I turned around to look at him, "You sit next to me?!"

I rolled my eyes, "Well, duh, why else would I be here?"

"Because you still like me."

"Oh my gawd, you just want me to like you," I rolled my eyes and sat down next to you anyways, "Drew, let's just pretend like we don't know each other."

"Why? I don't want to pretend. You were my first."

"Yeah, so were you. I just don't want to deal with all of this right now, got it?"

"Nah, what if I don't want to? What are you gonna do?"

"What am I going to do?" I asked in an extreamly sweet, high voice, I turned to look at him with my brown eyes and he looked surprised. "Drew, darling, you don't want to know. If you don't want to pretend, then I guess you're just gonna have to figure it out."

He was frozen for a moment, shock on his face as he turned away and grumbled a few things. I smiled at him and turned around to look at the person who would sit next to me... but they weren't here yet. I caught your eye, and you gave me a tiny smile. I smiled back, my spirits lifting up ever-so-slightly.


"What?" I snapped, looking back at my ex-boyfriend.

"You're not pissed are you?'

"Pissed about what? That you broke up with me?" Drew nodded, a bit afraid and cautious, he wasn't going to open his mouth until I was done. "Psh. You kidding? I don't care anymore, I'm actually over it. I hope you're over it too."

"Don't worry, I am."

"Well, then that's good."

We sat there for a minute, I was looking at my nails, chipping the black nailpolish off. "You and Paul, huh?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You should know what I mean, it's obvious."

"That what?"

"You guys are gonna be going out soon."

I looked at him, as if he was crazy. How can he read me so easily? Am I like a book to everyone around? He wasn't like this when we were going out... Did I change over the summer, or is that that guys just amazingly have this power to read me like an open book?

"Dude, it's obvious. The way you act around him, the way he acts around you... It's almost like... us... last year..." he managed to get out the last sentence, but the way he said it was so painful, so emotionally filled. My heart went out to him, and I was sympethetic. I was letting my guard down again, and I couldn't afford to make the same mistake twice.

"Oh," was all I managed to get out. Thankfully, Ms. Curling was handing out worksheets and was giving us directions. After she was done, she told us that we could sit anywhere we wanted and we would be able to work with anyone we wanted.

I looked around the room and there was no one here. No one was in my class that I was friends with, so I sighed and turned back to Drew who was staring intensely at me.

"I guess we can work together?" I asked, unsure of what he would say. A feeling went inside of me, the same feeling that I had felt just a little over four months ago. This feeling was something that I wasn't aloud to feel. I couldn't do this, not again. I couldn't fall for him, again.

"Yeah, sure, and Paul coming, so I guess we can all work together," he said, shrugging. I turned around to my right and sure enough, I saw you smiling that goofy smile of yours as you sat next to me. I could smell a hint of oranges as you moved next to me, your arms wrapped around my waist ever-so-slightly. I felt a shiver run up and down my spine and I flinched. You pulled away, surprise on your face for a moment before recovering.

"Right, so let's do this," you said, smiling as you took the pencil out of my hand. I looked at you like you were crazy and you smiled that sweet smile of yours. That smile made me forget about everything that was happening in between me and Drew. All thoughts were on you, and only on you.

I guess at that moment, I fell for you. Drew was right, we were acting like he and I were last year. We were cautious, friendly, and flirty. We were together and we had a good time. That's how all my relationships start out, and that's how all your relationships start out too. As friends... then gradually getting to be something more.

That something more came three months later. You were mine and I was yours for eleven days in December. December is the middle of winter, and I guess winter doesn't like us as much as we liked each other.

"Okay. So you're only doing it because he was looking at us."

I closed my eyes, trying to get rid of the pain that I was feeling. His words stabbed me, they were filled with enough pain and I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't lead him on anymore, I just couldn't.

"Dakota Spring. Look at me."

I opened my eyes and stared into the carmel eyes of yours, I smiled painfully, willing myself to get rid of all the guilt and all of the pain. "Yeah, I only did it to make him jealous. And it wasn't just him, it was Drew Winters too. The only reason why I went out with Paul Davis was because he seemed like the perfect person to make Drew jealous. So yes, I'm not over Drew, and I don't like you."

"You... you're such a liar..." he sputtered out, "I can't believe I liked you... I can't believe I trusted you... that was my first kiss."

Ouch. I looked at him with my eyes, as evenly as I could and I gave a tiny smirk. I shrugged, "Well, that wasn't mine," I lied. Yes, that was my first kiss, and I wanted to kiss him... but I don't like him as much as he likes me. "Sorry Sam, I guess you should be more careful. You have no idea what kind of person I really am."

"Yeah, I really don't. Thanks, I hope you have a wonderful life," his voice was layed with sarcasm as he walked away from me. When he left, I let the tears fall from my eyes, as I turned around to walk away.

That's where you were.

"Seriously, I thought you were a better person."

I looked at you, blinking away the tears before I said in my sweetest voice ever, "Yeah, I guess you thought wrong too. Sorry." I tried walking by you, but you grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"You lied to him."

"What are you talking about?"

"That was your first kiss." I looked at him, startled, but covering it up as much as I could. You went on, looking into my eyes, "You never kissed me and you never kissed Drew. And you really did want to kiss him, I know the look when someone wants to kiss someone. And you and Drew. You really are over Drew, you're just using that as an excuse. Like how you used Drew as an excuse because you don't want to admit that you really liked me."

"How do you know that?" I laughed, "Dude, are you kidding? You have no idea what I felt and who I kissed. You have no idea what I'm feeling right now. You have no idea that I think you're just a jerk who's only doing this because you can't stand to watch me walk away- when you were the one who let me go." I rolled my eyes, looking back at you, trembling with a mix of emotions. "I'm sorry, Paul, but you're just gonna have to deal with it."

I started walking away, but you caught up to me. "Really Dakota? Really? Sure, you can say that you only used me to get back at Drew, but I know it wasn't true. You can't fool me."

"Ha, really? Have you noticed how I was all over you when only Drew was looking? How much I flirted with you when he was around? How I ignored him if you were in sight, how I rushed over to you while he was talking to me? Did you not notice the jealously in his eyes, and how much excited I got after seeing that jealously?" I laughed again, and the look on your face became more confused. You were remembering these things and you were becoming uncertain of yourself. "Yeah, you remember. So, let me go, because you know the truth now."

You were about to object, but then I sprinted away. You tried running after me for a while, but then gave up. When I got to an abandonded area, I full on started crying.

Crying because you read me so easily. Crying because you found out my lies. Crying because I drove you away. Crying because I know you never really did like me. Crying because I really don't care about Drew. Crying because I still like you. And crying because I ruined another chance for us, for us to start a new relationship, for us to even be friends again. Crying because you're divulged and I'm just delitescent.

"Hey, can I talk to you?" I heard your voice, we had been advoiding each other for about three months now. There was no way that you could be talking to me. You hated me, you spread rumors about me, and I hated you back... or at least that's what everyone thought. "Dakota Spring, can I talk to you?"

I stopped, did you really just say my name? I turned around, giving you a glare, but I couldn't keep up with my anger. Your face was genuinely curious, sad, hesitant, and you were a little bit scared. You looked vurnable.

"Yeah, what do you want?"

I probably should've said it in a nicer way, but I guess somethings don't work out the way you want them to.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine, what are you talking about?"

You looked at me evenly, pain and sympathy clear, as you said in a clear voice, "You don't talk to anyone anymore. You push everyone around you away. You barely smile, you don't laugh, you don't hang out with anyone. Your grades are slipping, you're having a rough time. You won't let anyone talk to you. You hang out even more in the shadows. What's wrong?"

You still noticed me. You still noticed what I was doing.

"Dakota... Please, can you trust me?"

Tears started blurring my vision.

"Please. Just tell me."

A tear dropped out of my eye.

"Dakota Spring. I'm here for you."

You were here, right in front of me.

"I miss you."

You miss me. Tears started flowing from my eyes, I couldn't keep them inside.

"Please. Talk to me, just for me. Please."

You were

I fell to my kness, my papers and books flying across the almost empty hallway now. You sat down to comfort me. You held me in your arms and I could smell a hint of oranges. We sat there, you letting me cry, holding me in your arms, and letting me drift away into a world where there was only me and only you.

Maybe we could have another try. Another relationship. Maybe this time, it'll work out. Even if you're divulged and I'm delitescent.

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