I can’t think, nothing comes, all I can think is déjà vu, déjà vu, déjà vu, and it won’t stop. It’s like a power point, playing across my mind, and the slides just keep coming but they all say the same thing and I know I need to help someone, someone’s calling me for help but I don’t know who and I don’t know how and just déjà vu is all I can think. And my vision is blurry and I can feel the blood coursing out of my brain, drizzling down my lip, dripping off my chin and it smells like iron and I can taste the salt of my tears and I’m thirsty. All of a sudden someone’s choking me, grabbing their hands around my neck, and I can’t breathe and it hurts, and they squeeze harder and I think it’s a devil, coming to take me to hell and then I realize that it’s not a devil, it’s my seatbelt and I know that I need to get it off and I need to get it off now. And then I remember how Jerry has a pocketknife in the door, and I see it and I’m reaching for it and I feel cold metal in the palm of my hand and I’m holding it and I use it and I cut the seatbelt off my neck and I can breathe! I can breathe. And everything comes clearer to my left eye, the right one is swollen and it won’t open and it hurts, and everything hurts. And now I can see, and I can hear, and I remember, I remember who needs me. Mom, Katelyn, and Jerry, I have to find them, I have to save them, and Katelyn is screaming, screaming for me, for mom, for help. And I think why hasn’t anyone called the police? And then I see a kind, kind old man on the side of our car dialing 911 and I pray my thanks to God for that man. And I get up, I stagger up and I see Katelyn, crying, but now she passes out, when she sees me, her head lolls but she’s not dead, I can hear her ragged breath, but it comes slowly and for the first time I am scared for her life, but she has to live, she has to. And I see my mom, and I call out to her, call her name, call mommy and she hears me, and she sees me! She knows who I am and she’s okay, and next to her is Jerry and he’s alright to! And the only thing that’s making the blood move through my veins right now is relief, sweet ,sweet relief, but not for long. And once again, I am lightheaded, and I hear the sirens, and I run to Katelyn, fall on her, keep her with me, pray to God, and I can’t stand it anymore, I can’t stand seeing her like this, and it’s all too much for my brain, and it gets cloudy and I can’t see and blood falls from my head and I’m scared and there’s nothing I can do but wait.
take me away
June 2, 2010