Training to Live.

May 30, 2010
The owl clock was ticking above my head, giving me a beat I could follow. Reading a poem about beauty to express the subject in a positive way.
“As the world converts to a more urban environment, we fail to see the significant life that surrounded us before. In the rain, crystals of clear liquid impact the earth
bringing contrast to the dry soil and so much more. The trees awake from winter during the month of April, See them shake, see them reborn, see them revive. Nature is a unashamed naked beauty to the eye. The elements of life combine randomly, as a leaf drops freely to rest on a lake. Made by the rain; a predominant cycle.

But it is not the only peaceful thing, the heart that pumps blood is just as appealing,
without them we don’t live, without them we are hollow. It causes us to ache, but on the outside, the shell that travels with it, the very structure we see in the mirror is no competition to nature. So we must not quit to smile at the beauty that define's everything.”

Dr. Lenny, My psychiatrist lowered his glasses to look fascinated by work, and spoke sympathetically with words that surprised me, “ Miss Vincent, when you said you were a writer I knew that one day you would want to share your work with me. And to write one about such a close topic, leads me to believe that your done here. But if you ever need to talk, feel free to make an appointment.”

I’ve been seeing Dr. Lenny for two months now due to my diet habits. In the beginning I thought I would never be as fit as I wanted to be. But the mirror changed when I saw my bones so closely to my skin, there was no longer fat, and I was losing muscle. Dr. Lenny was right, I have seen what I needed to see. Skinny isn’t something you want to risk your life for. “Thinspiration” as many call it, shouldn’t exist. But it still does and teenagers starve and starve until something fails. Not the goal they were expecting to overcome.

As I left the hospital, my angel came to collect me. I call him my angel because he pulled me in to the doctors because after eating over my calorie limit I was an emotional mess and instantly began running it off. If you burn more than you put in, you lose weight. I was down to 98 pounds, after being 122 pounds when I decided to put effort into losing as much as I can to be skinny.

I remembered when he barged into the garage to see me running as fast as I could with determination, salty tears that combined with sweat. It was then that the life I hid from everyone was revealed. Justin stopped the treadmill and I fell into his arms shortly after.
“I just want to be perfect and skinny.” I cried.

Then he looked into my red face and said something to sincere, “ I’ve known you for years Isabelle and every time I see you, your beauty leaves me speechless. But this needs to stop, your starving yourself, and I don’t want to lose you”

And now... I’m walking to his car where he was singing to Journey in a rather embarrassing way and with only a few seconds left of the song I took a moment to look at the hospital. Hoping this would be the last time I would see it.
I open the car door and he turns off the radio, “Hello beautiful”.

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