It had seemed the more I stared at the clock, the less the hands moved closer to my desired future. Every second that ticked away to every minute of every hour of every day, I was that much closer to break free. Free from the invisible chains that bound, not only my body, but my soul to this place. A place of forced smiles, and padded reassurance. And even though the longer I stared at this second pushing clock, knowing that my time here would run up soon enough, it felt as though every moment was an eternity. If I had looked at my surroundings once more I would have to scream. For the time before I had first started my clock watching, I would amuse myself with the things I had around me. Yet, just as the seconds dragged on, the interest towards these things soon became dull and the only thing that then captured my attention was the time. Time, I found, was the only thing that stayed the same, yet changed every moment it could. No longer twiddling my thumbs or stringing my hair held any significance to me. The people who would come in and out of the dark corners of my mind no longer kept me curious. My impatience alone was enough to make me want to scream. However I didn’t, and kept my complete focus on the clock. Only accompanied by my thoughts. Another minute ticks by. Another long minute, filled with exactly sixty seconds. Sixty long moments that I sit, waiting. How many seconds are there in a year? If there are three hundred, and sixty five days in a year, twenty four hours in a day, sixty minutes in an hour, and sixty seconds in a minute, there should be about thirty one million, five hundred thirty six thousand seconds in a year. So many times I have been asked the question, “With that many moments passing you by, why do you wait?” It is at that moment I can feel my entire body elated, and drift off to another place; only giving a vague reply, still leaving others in wondering. “I wait because I know even though the moments I have now are precious, the moments I will have in the future will be sacred.” If one looks at it logically, it is rather depressing to live the life I have now wasting it away on something that seems so vast into the future. But as I wait, watching the clock, I know that even though the seconds take an eternity, the future is only closer. Which is why I wait; for something so beautiful, not even fairy tales children have read to them, can even touch. Love. Wouldn’t any one else wait for that as well?
June 7, 2010