Who Is It


Bamb!!(onomonapia) All we heard was a gunshot coming from the living room.(big potato lead) My brother Matthew and me, Eli rushed into the living room to see our mother dead. My sweet mom always positive and nice, had blood around her.(adjectives shifted out of order)

“What to do, what to do?” Who would want to do this a why?”


The gunshot came through the window. She died instantly we told the cops. Matthew was bawling his eyes out. I was crying because if I were bawling the police wouldn't be able to understand me. When the police had left my brother decided we needed to figure out who did this before the police. Thinking, crying, and talking, we knew we needed a plan.(the participle) We started narrowing it down. It had to be someone in town. We got a list of everyone who lived in Hootsville. We organized a crew that included, Carrie, Shelly, Jessica, Emma, Kayla, and all Elli's and my really good friends. Then we instantly eliminated the fire men and cops. Which left 1200 people. We eliminated the kids and were left with 800 people.


When I woke up the next morning it hit me worse than the day she died. Her death was miserable like when nobody shows up to your birthday party.(simlie) When Matthew woke up he had the what-did-she-do-for-this-to-happen-look on his face.(hyphenated modifier) After we had breakfast we got back out to work and eliminated my friends parents. We were now left with 400 people, and with that new information, we left the house for clues, but found nothing so we returned home.


2 hours later.......................


“ I can smell cologne. It smells like rotten egg,” said Matthew.

“ I can smell it too,” I replied.

As we walked in the door there was a masked man. He was tall about 6 feet and very skinny.(appearance) He turned and pulled out a gun and shot.(action) we fell to the floor and I hit my mouth. The taste of blood filled my mouth. When we stood up there was a shatter and he was gone.(specific detail for effect)


“Whoever shot mom was that guy,” I told Matthew.

“He must have a cruel and hurtful mind. Who would want to do something like that?”, Matthew asked.

“I don't know but, I have never been so scared in my life I'm even shaking,” I replied.(react)


It's amazing how pretty mom's house was until one man breaks a window, I thought to myself.(thought shot) The house is huge with glass window in almost every room. Anyone could see my mother.(environment)

“What if it would've been me or you?” Matthew asked me.

“ I am not sure because it wasn't us.”

“Why was it mom, why wasn't it us, why did he do that ?(repetition for effect) I don't understand.”

“Hey Matthew come here I found something!”

“What is it?”

“It's a receipt for a gun! The man must have dropped it when he jumped through the window.”

“We have a clue yes!!!” Matthew screamed.

“Matthew go start the car and get in I will be out there soon.”

“But you can't drive you're only 15.”

“I don't care close enough and I have my permit.”

“Okay, hurry up though.”


As we were on the road on our way to the gun store, my mom's cellphone started ringing. Unknown caller it said. “Matthew answer it.” He answered...

“Hello?” Matthew said in a confused voice.

“I'm back.”

“Who is this?”

“Doesn't matter.”

“We will find out and when we do you will be sent to jail.”

The Matthew hung up. “He is a nasty evil devil.”(metaphor)

“We have to hurry, I said.

This was all so confusing, “What if it's somebody who doesn't live in town?” Matthew asked

I didn't answer. Heart racing, head thinking, I thought about the shooting.(absolute)
when we arrived at the store I grabbed the receipt from my pocket. Matthew and I locked the Mustang and ran inside. 10 minutes later after the man studied the receipt he just gave us a confused look. 5 minutes later he wouldn't say anything so Matthew blurted, “Cat got your tongue or something?”(idiom)

Then the man spoke, “No the cat does not have my tongue.”

“Who bought the gun?”

“I can't give you any information.”

“That gun was used to kill my mom, so I think you can tell me, or we can get the cops to come in here. Your choice”

“Okay it was Luke Witzer.”

“How much was the gun may I ask because there is only a few reasons for wealthy men to do that.”

“It was 5,000 dollars, but the man was not rich.”

“That must have cost a fortune for him to afford it.”(hyperbole)

“Thank you sir.”

Then we left. When we arrived home we went and got on the computer and searched Luke Witzer.

“He looks so familiar” I kept saying. When I returned moments later, eyes shining from crying, cheeks glistening from the tears, (appositive) I sat back down and had showed me what else he had found. Then I suddenly realized, “ Thats our DAD!!!!!” I shouted.

He killed mom! I fell off the chair crying. Matthew leaped off the chair and gave me a big hug and said we know who it is we will be safe and he will be in jail.(action verb) When I recovered from my crying, we got into the car and were on our way to the police station. When we got there 30 minutes later we showed them our information. The cops knew who he was because my mother was really good friends with many officers when she was younger and our father Luke was her boyfriend. The cops left with our information and called and asked would you like to sit and have coffee with us. That was their set up to get him. When they captured him we took him to court.

He said “ Eli and Matthew I'm deeply sorry I know what I did was wrong is there anyway you could forgive me?” in a sorrow voice.(speak)

“Never why would we want to forgive somebody who left when I was only 5 and when Matthew was only 2 you just gave up, not to mention to fact you also killed our mom!”

“But Eli...”

“But nothing its done you're going to jail.”

Sniffling he said “ I never knew it would end like this I'm such a stupid person I am filled with guilt and I feel completely terrible, your Mother was a wonderful person.”(feelings)

“It doesn't matter anymore we never want to see your face ever again! Good bye forever.”


After court was over Matthew and Eli went to live with their grandma Macy. They still visit their mom's grave every year on March 18th . They never saw their father's face just as they wanted, and they lived happily from there on. Even today, they wonder why he did that. (full circle ending)