My Hopeless Attempt At Happiness

June 5, 2010
By , Fort Mill, SC
I wish I could say none of this was true and that I wrote this purely for entertainment or something. But that's not the case. I'm finally opening up and showing my true emotions to the ones I believe should see. I haven't let anyone completely in for quite some time now. This is truly how I'm feeling right now. Don't try to prevent or change any of it. I must do it on my own. I'm not the person everyone thinks I am. But this is me..

I lay here, feeling so alone. I try to stop this rainfall of tears from happening but it seems to be a hopeless attempt. In this state of mind, I feel as though no one is here for me. The tiniest of things hurt me. In fact, anything and everything hurts me. I wish I could explain to you what causes this mood of mine that I am in quite frequently, but I can't tell you a truthful reasoning. I can not even figure out myself what is going on. I tend to believe that all the frustrations and negative things that occur in my daily life are constantly building up. It just keeps getting worse and worse. Then eventually, I am unable to take it anymore. I can't hold it in any longer. Before this happens though, I hid my emotions completely. But when I reach my breaking point, it is out of my hands, completely uncontrollable. I don't exactly know what it is that causes me to snap. There is no rhyme or reason to it, it just happens. When it does, the thoughts that fill my head, the feelings that fill my heart and soul, they pour out. Whether it be in my actions towards the ones I love, or the words that flow out of my mouth. Someway though, I seem to let go. As this happens, I become more and more depressed. It's almost as though when I hid the way I'm feeling, I'm at a state that is bearable. But the moment anyone knows what is running through my head, it is that much harder. I feel hopeless in being happy. I feel like there is no way that I could ever smile or laugh again. Then, some miracle happens. A special person, thing, or place that makes everything seem okay. It makes me think that maybe, just maybe, I will be alright..

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