May 27, 2010
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"Mom!" I screamed but no one seemed to hear me, "MOM!" again no one looked. All I could see was the talking of the police, the splashing of the fire trucks hose, and the burning of my mom's 2008 styled black Lincoln navigator.(Magic 3) I had to stand and watch as they pulled my mothers burned corpse out of the flames, I wanted to run over and shake her as if shaking a maraca, until she woke up,(Figurative Language) but my feet would not budge. Then I realized that I had no family left, there was no one, I was alone.

It had been my mom and I for 18 years, always looking out for each other. Then on the night of my eighteenth birthday she was murdered. The police say that it was just an accident, but I knew better.(Action Verb) For almost five years my mom had a boyfriend named Hector, about two weeks ago she broke up with him. I was going to miss my moms rose perfume, the softness in her voice, the picture of her sitting on the front porch waiting for me to get off of my first grade bus and when she runs to me and scoops me up in her arms so that she can rush me inside to eat a slice of the pound cake that she always had ready.(Describing The Environment, Specific Detail For Effect) But I couldn't wast time missing her, I had to get justice for her death. I knew that lying, cheating man killed my mother, and I also knew that I was going to get revenge.(Absolute) Ruthlessly, I began my search at the police station to see what files they had on him.(Participle) The police station, with big fat officers who's jelly stained ties gave away their slacking, the police station only had a few records of parking tickets, but no criminal record.(Appositive) As I was eating lunch at a bakery, I was looking over the parking tickets that Hector had gotten and I noticed that he got one on the day of my mom's “accident”, only one block away from where it happened.(Character In Action)

“You must be Alisha!” someone said to me as I bit into my powdered dough-nut.(Adjectives Shifted Out Of Order)

“Who are you?” I asked the strange man hovering over me.(Hearing The Character Speak)

“I'm Tom I think that we can help each other,” he said as I stared blankly at him.(Reaction To Character)

He sat with me and explained how his daughter had been killed by this same man, and that he wanted revenge just as badly as I do. We sat for hours devising a plan to get back at Hector. And we made a very good plan.

The entire time we were talking I was thinking, does this man have any disregard for his own life?(Hearing The Characters Thoughts) In his ripped blue jeans, muddy tan boots, plaid torn shirt, and his ruffled graying hair he looked like he didn't care anymore.(Describing The Character) But as we stood to leave and go start with our plan, I heard a loud “BANG!” And I saw Tom drop to the floor in front of me. “Somebody call 9-1-1!” I screamed to the shocked people standing around me. They tried to save Tom but he was already too far gone when they got there. While all of this was going on, Alisha could only think about one thing, for the second time in three weeks she was alone.

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