Shades of Uncertainty

May 15, 2010
I miss you, I guess.

It's unexpected; I would never miss a knife in my side or a broken bone. So how are you any different? God knows you caused me just as much pain, if not more.

Sometimes I swear I see you walk past me, that same characteristic shuffle, that same terrible, amazing smile. I always turn and look. It's never really you.

Do you miss me? Probably not. I assume you've moved on, you've dropped me like unwanted baggage, I'm history. I wouldn't be surprised to see you with someone new, your hand at her waist, her head on your shoulder. I hope you've found someone, I really do. I would be so happy for you. So incredibly, horribly, painstakingly happy.

"I just liked it better when we were friends" is what you said, "I hope we can stay close." I've run these words over in my mind countless times. What exactly did you mean by "close"? If you wanted to be close, why did you break up with me in the first place?

It kills me that I acted like I agreed with what you said. I just nodded away like an easily-influenced idiot. Maybe I could have said something to stop you from pulling away completely. Maybe if you would have known, you would have stayed.

Or maybe not.

So all I can do is remember. You and your messy hair and beat-up sneakers, you and your laughing eyes. I'll probably keep the memories longer than you will, and I'm glad for that. We had fun together, you and I.

One day I'll wake up unable to recall the sound of your voice, not quite sure of the way your hand felt in mine. It will be a happy day, a sad day, a brilliant, awful, ordinary day. Maybe I won't even notice that you are fading.

That day will be a long time from the day you left me. But for the first time, you will truly be gone.

Join the Discussion

This article has 24 comments. Post your own now!

pookah22 said...
Sept. 16, 2010 at 7:14 pm
Great writing! I love the emotion and how you prove you can relate to your readers.
i.ll_be_fine_899 said...
Jul. 1, 2010 at 10:54 pm
very nice powerful emotional stuff... the words were really meaningful, of course. good job! twas completely well-written:)
Spectacles said...
Jun. 19, 2010 at 9:48 am
Sad happy stories are probably the ones that I enjoy most, and you've done a good job, I almost cried, and I smiled a little too.  Very Good. =)
LilyC1227 said...
Jun. 18, 2010 at 9:12 am

hey there,

this is great..I love that this piece just focuses on emotions, not even a full story. It makes the details more elaborate and more heartwrenching. I've definitely felt this before, all of it

EmmaNemma said...
Jun. 8, 2010 at 2:54 pm
This was really ood and I can somewhat relate to it. I know the other people in my class can. You are really good at expressing your emotions. I do that in my work but not as straight forward as you. You really captured the feeling and I understood how you felt.
Brie316 said...
Jun. 6, 2010 at 7:54 pm
I really like this.this would be a start of a very easy going love story that anyone at any age will relate to.keep writing, i cant wait to see this story unfold.                        -alyssa
AnneOnnimous replied...
Jun. 7, 2010 at 4:57 pm
I really like this.
GoodmorningSweetheart said...
Jun. 4, 2010 at 12:00 pm

Banangela, I was really taken with this story. It's honest and speaks from the heart. I felt like I was peaking at someone's fleeting thoughts--simple but saturated in truth.

The only place where it could possibly be improved is a comma after "friends" in the remembered dialogue.

Thanks for a great read; keep writing.

ajkstarr said...
Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:16 pm

it reads like a letter to the person. you could fromat it that way, if you want. i liked the discription of the day she will forget him, it feels real. in the third paragraph, you  don't need to say both "like unwanted baggage" and "I'm history." They both convey the same point, and they're right in a row.

Very solid, I like it

roxymutt said...
Jun. 3, 2010 at 2:39 pm
You have a very sophisticated style of writing although its like the voice of someone young, getting their heart broken for the first time.  I applaud the sincerity of the piece...well done...and yes hahah great minds do certainly think alike! I'll goign to follow your work so please post more
banangela29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 3, 2010 at 5:11 pm
Aw, thanks! I'll follow yours too. I think we have a very similar style of writing and thinking :)
katie-cat said...
May 31, 2010 at 7:49 pm
I liked it.  It flowed smoothly; almost like poetry.  The only thing is the concept of the whole "guy dumps girl" thing is a little overused.  But it was still very good.  You have talent.
renthead101 said...
May 31, 2010 at 5:17 pm
this is brilliant!i love this!
Fayrouz This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 30, 2010 at 12:27 am
Thanks for your critique! I don't know why my comment isn't showing up here! Ugh! Let's try again: I like the first part until you say "so how are you any different?" reading on, i can better understand it, but it just seems kind of awkward and chunky to me. try to connect those better...say something like "I"m not a masochist but..." idk, that is just your opinion, but this is a very emotional piece. work on better verbs and adjectives if you want to get a stronger piece...good job and keep writing!
JohnWallOfTheWizards replied...
May 31, 2010 at 4:45 pm
It is ... I don't  know what it is,  I'm very torn between liking it and disliking it, I appologize, I believe you have something strong, it just was not descriptive enough.
banangela29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 31, 2010 at 4:57 pm
totally fine, thanks for your honesty
Aoifee said...
May 29, 2010 at 4:13 am
This is reallly good. Love the heartfelt emotion and agony that is captured in so many words. I must agree with 'Location201', in the relation that you could really expand on this and make it a brilliant story. Aoifex P.S thanks a mil for reading my worrk. Much appreatiated. I took you're advice and I hope you read #4. Thanks again.
burnt-toast said...
May 27, 2010 at 3:16 pm
I really enjoyed this, it was very well expressed.. definitly the kind of thing everyone goes through, so nice to see it written down like this.
Location201 said...
May 27, 2010 at 8:20 am

AWE! I must say this is the closest piece of work to how I feel right now. This captured so much voice and really showed emotion. (much better emotion than I could show) Great job, Keep writing.


And suggestion: You should make this a story.

banangela29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 28, 2010 at 8:33 pm
Oh my. Thanks so much.
Site Feedback