As i go to stare at my reflection in the mirror, I begin to replay the day over and over again in my head. I realize I just go through the everyday motions I have taught my body to do so well. As I look at myself and at the girl staring back at me and realization sets in that I don't know who she is anymore. She isn't the happy-go-lucky, outgoing, caring person who was always so fun to be with. She is not the girl I used to see staring back at me. Now I see a girl whose beautiful eyes are filled with a building pain. On the outside she is the same person you have always known. To bad its all an act. She puts on her fake million dollar smile, she has learned all to well. But inside she is slowly deteriorating. She is slowly but steadily detaching herself from the world, she had once loved with all her heart. As the days go by she slowly looses all interest in life itself. She starts to sleep her days away... not that anyone notices. She is no longer the beautiful, vibrant young lady her family was once so proud of... in her head anyway... or is it now reality as well? She hurts so much. It even hurts to breathe, some days. When her so called "friends" used to ask her what was wrong she would just giggle, shake her head, and say nothing I was just thinking. They just smiled in return ignoring the pain in her eyes and went back to listening to the latest gossip. They never cared enough to pry and ask what she was thinking about. As the months go by she gets smaller and smaller, and dark blue and black circles begin to appear under her eyes. I touch them now and feel the wetness from new fallen tears. Suddenly a hand grabs hold of me and says we need to talk. I have heard this before. I know all to well what will happen. I know it may not start of well but will end well. I am relieved and so is she.
April 21, 2010