Did It Hurt

April 21, 2010
It's fine. It's alright. It's only when I have a bad day that it all feels like too much. Like today. I feel like I am lying on the ground, staring up at the ceiling. Looking at something but not really looking at all. It is only when my spine cracks like black ice against my backpack. It is only when the sun sprints up the sky, eager to sear down upon me. When words are just music, and I hear nothing at all. See nothing. Hear nothing. Feel nothing. And that's when memories of you rush in. Filling up the nothing. I am bursting with thoughts of you, but I have never felt so empty.

thinking about you hurts, but it's good hurt, like aloe on a sunburn. Your calming stare used to steady me. How am I expected to function without that? Without my rock? They say age is just a number. Maybe that's the same with death. Maybe death is just an empty desk in History class. Maybe its no big deal. I know I'm lying to myself. That empty desk in history means so much more. It means the end of my world.

I have dreams. Dreams that I see you. That I am so eager to say all the things I never got the chance to tell you. But wanted to tell you. But really really wanted to tell you. I am so eager to speak that my words come up my throat all at once and clog there. They push my air out. I suffocate. I suffocate from my absence of breath. I suffocate from my silence. And I never really got to tell you anything did I? I just gasped and quivered. Gasped and quivered.

And here I am now. Choking on my words. Staring at the empty desk. Back cracking. Eyes on the ceiling. Just trying to get through another day without you. I can't be strong for everyone. Why can't everyone be strong for me.

I know that I am supposed to be thinking about deep things. About god. About what happens when it's all over. But I can only think of your face. Why did you leave me? Why did you commit the ultimate wrong? Why? Why?
And how did it feel...
did it hurt?

Join the Discussion

This article has 14 comments. Post your own now!

thepreechyteenager said...
Aug. 23, 2010 at 12:44 pm
This was great.  In the beginning it sounds like another one of those sad stories, but the ending was just great, it put you over the top.
yeaaiitsemilyx3 said...
Jul. 21, 2010 at 4:42 pm
awesome! great job, i loved it. you have talent. 
shaniab said...
Jun. 17, 2010 at 10:27 pm
That was Great :)
newlyblooming said...
Jun. 1, 2010 at 5:45 pm
wow... ur only 14 and u wrote this???? this is amazing, deep, powerful and insightful. It makes u have a physical reaction. One of the best  things iv seen on here
that_one_kid said...
May 11, 2010 at 5:05 pm
I really like it! Very good job writing it!
9_little_ripples This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 11, 2010 at 7:14 pm
thank you! if u like this looka t my newest story. It's called "the sky must be enough"
MessyJessie said...
May 4, 2010 at 2:24 pm

 really like this!

i love the ending. 

It just put the cherry on top(:

9_little_ripples This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 4, 2010 at 4:19 pm

oh mi goodness! thank you! You made my day!!! Ending are my fave parts of writing. idk why....  its like the last chance you have to strike a chord with your reader... so it must be fabuluz!... hope i achieved that!


MessyJessie replied...
May 4, 2010 at 5:45 pm

you definitely did. 

It gave me that twinge in that stomach that made me think "Wow"

I loved it(:

9_little_ripples This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 5, 2010 at 6:40 pm
omg.. thnx! u r the sweetest thing!
MessyJessie replied...
May 5, 2010 at 10:13 pm
haha. no prob(:
cloud9surfer replied...
Jul. 8, 2010 at 6:58 pm
dark, beautiful and enchanting. The way it was written with the description reminded me of a dark fairytale. I almost started crying, you approuched a difficult and hard subject matter with sensitivity and compassion. bravo
seven_stones said...
May 3, 2010 at 5:19 pm
really liked this.... did it in math class!
9_little_ripples This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 3, 2010 at 5:02 pm
tell me what people think please!
Site Feedback