I was losing weight. I didn’t know why, but I was somewhat happy. I didn’t know a person could lose weight without trying. I was a teenage girl, and it didn’t really matter how I lost the pounds. There was a blunt pain in my lower back, but I figured it was from playing sports. I was having slight dizziness and my headaches were constant. It was really hard for me to concentrate in class. My breathing was heavy, and my heart rate was abnormal. My hearing was worse than before, and even with my contacts on, my sight was blurring. My tongue was weak and I couldn’t even speak my mother tongue smoothly without thinking about it hard. I didn’t notice the change in my body until I fainted that day, right in front of my terrified mother.

I woke up in a dull gray room. My headache was worse, and I was too weak to lift my arms. There sat my mother, her eyes red from crying.

What was wrong with me? I was tired, and my eyelids felt like they weighed tons. I closed them, trying to keep myself stable. Did I have diabetes? My grandfather had diabetes, and it didn’t seem that scary, except for the fact that I’m scared stiff of needles. I would just have to give up my love for chocolate. He said when his blood sugar was too low, he would faint. Maybe that is why I fainted. But then again, I eat sugar normally so my blood sugar should be high rather than low. Or maybe I had a brain tumor or something. My friend had a tumor in her brain and she had surgery. She didn’t go bald or anything and she is just fine now. She had her operation during summer vacation, and she’s in pretty good shape. Maybe I’m just stressed out. I felt like this when I was having a really hard time with life. I ran fevers and I cried in my sleep. But I never passed out. I was scared, yeah. But I don’t really know anything yet so I guess I was partially okay. Words circled my head as I fell asleep again.

The next time I woke up, I was really awake. I was feeling so much better, and I was hungry. My eyes were bright and didn’t struggle to keep them opened. I looked to my right to see my arm hooked up to an I.V. They were pouring chemicals into my veins, and that was why I was feeling better.

A doctor came up to me and said, “If you only had one more year to live, what would you do?” I finally understood what was going on. I was sick. And I had cancer. But I wasn’t going to let this stop me from anything.

My family surrounded me, and they put their hands on me. It was silent for the longest time. I sat there, listening to the sound of my heartbeat. The doctor’s question came up in my head. It I had one more year to live, what would I do? The decision wasn’t easy, but I finally made a decision, two weeks later. I stayed mostly in bed, and I was really careful about what I ate. I didn’t have to worry about my hair because I lost all of it. And after 11 months, I headed for my dream.

My dream was to go back to my home. My home is and has always been in Knoxville, Tennessee. It is one of the most beautiful places in the whole wide world. I have lived every day of my life believing that a part of me would always be here.

I hopped on; well I was wheeled onto a plane. It was probably the first and last time that I would ride on first class. All of my family members were weeping quietly while I wrote in my journal. I grew tired after a few minutes, and dozed off to sleep. I felt many blankets being placed on me, and hands holding mine the whole way.

A single tear escaped my eyes as I saw our big house sitting there the way it stood strong years ago, the neighborhood pool still sparkling blue. I waved at my best friend’s old yellow house. My family took turns pushing my wheel chair slowly through the town, over the grass and concrete where I once ran barefoot. I patted my horse’s forehead, remembering the times he had fun when we were both younger. I wanted more than anything to ride her once again, to the end of the acres, but I as too weak. April neighed happily when I gave her an apple. It was her favorite treat. She nudged her head against me, wanting more. I’ll bring you another one tomorrow…I lied, knowing I would probably never return. I stared at the blue building of West Hills Elementary, smiling as I saw the swing set I used to love. I stepped into the old building of Maryville College, where I used to attend Japanese weekend school. My fingers brushed over my picture on the wall of our church. I chewed my last bite of macaroni and cheese at my favorite restaurant. I dropped my spoon, and I fell off of my chair. I braced for the pain that would strike my back, the cancer exploding. But I felt no pain, and I opened my eyes to see God walking towards me. He held me in his arms as he carried me. It was pleasant, almost like the time you carried me home that rainy day, but this day was so much warmer. I heard my spoon drop to the floor next to me, and I heard voices, but all the noise faded away. I felt safe, and I wasn’t afraid. My dream came true, after all. I got to see my home one last time.