You're Not Going Anywhere Without Me.

April 12, 2010
His southern sigh was long and tired, "call me when you get wherever you're going." He was to be married the next month, in a summer wedding I wasn't invited to attend. . I flew three thousand miles to see you, but when I arrived you were long gone from the left coast. You took off in lieu of something more exciting. Later you would tell me that you needed me to fall in love with the city as you had. I did.

In February you called from the airport and asked for a ride. Without hesitation, I drove to get you. Our months apart hadn't treated you well, you were skin and bones, yet you smiled and assured me that you were more than fine. You told me of your intercontinental adventures. I told you I loved you.
You gave me a pair of fresh water pearls, a kiss on the cheek, and the responsibility of washing your laundry.

I didn't expect you to come back that night, but when you came home with Thai food and detergent-I knew you loved me too. That night we camped in the living-room and pretended to be Indian royalty. When you thought I was asleep you told me you loved me and took the drugs I didn't know you were addicted to. When I woke, you were already up, from the deep circles underneath your eyes, I assumed you had never gone to bed. You greeted me with a hazy smile, I responded by taking my morning coffee into the bathroom and spiking it with crushed xanax. You knew about me and I knew about you. You shook when I took away your drugs and I fought you while you flushed my pills; at night we would face the monsters together-and slowly we began to conquer our demons.

Your father came and tried to take you away he blamed me for your downward spiral, for your addiction. In the four years I had known you, that was the only time I'd ever seen you angry at your father. In a moment of clarity you screamed, " I won't leave her, not again. Out of all the things I've kept around that kill me. She's the only thing I've kept that's continued to save me."

You married me the next year and I finally called the boy that I'd left behind all that time ago; I told him I finally got wherever I was going and it was beautiful.

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