Dear Jacob

April 6, 2010
By AmeliaGyp BRONZE, Archbald, Pennsylvania
AmeliaGyp BRONZE, Archbald, Pennsylvania
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I go, and I sit, and I look, and I learn. I write, I test, and I forget. To learn is not to remember, but to know." - On the subject of infemy opinion of education in general.

Dear Jacob,

1 January 2010

Today, I stayed home from school. I wasn’t really sick; I’m well most of the time that I do this. I’m just—tired. I look at the day with weary eyes and a silent tongue. All I do is think, and thinking just leads to trouble. I feel no obligation for, well, almost anything anymore, especially school. I go, and I sit, and I look, and I learn. I write, I test, and I forget. Perhaps, if I went to a school to specialize in something I want to do, I wouldn’t not feel something? Anything… ?

Maybe, I just do not feel. Certainly, not like others.
I want too much. I want to be normal, I want to be special.
I want someone or something to answer all of my questions.
I want to stop complaining. Complaining gets you nowhere. Whining solves no one’s problems, not indefinitely, at least. What have I to complain about, anyway? What gives me the right to be unhappy? I have a home, I have the necessities (food, water, et cetera), I have family, I have friends… I have almost everything I could vaguely want.
Of course, there’s the possible answer that simply hangs in the air, ever-so undesirably.
Perhaps, I am missing a piece, to this puzzle of intricate and abstract patterns. It is not what I want, but what I need.
But what do I need?
Oh, geez, my life is starting to sound like that of a Disney’s princess’s dilemma.
I have never actually admitted it before because I thought it was best not to make a big deal out of it and let it control my life, but… I’m depressed, clinically so.
I have depression.
I need help.

The author's comments:
After reading Bram Stoker's Dracula, I decided to dabble in letters as a form of story-telling. Above is an excerpt of a story I'm working on. I used thoughts I have had in the past to base the story off of something. The plot is simple: a teenage girl struggling to get by, trying to recognize something in herself, and attempting to feel; and she does this in a sort of journal, notes to an imaginary boy. Jacob was a random name; it happens to be one of my favorites. Eventually, he helps her to realize that while he can assuage her thoughts, he cannot truly help her. That's for her to do.
From this, I hope that people can learn to understand that silent kid in the back of the room, that teen with the downcast eyes. Maybe, they just want you to notice them, help them.

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