When the Ride Came to an End

March 5, 2010
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Finally that rollercoaster is coming to an end. It came to an end on Tuesday when my world came crashing down around me. It happened with one sentence. “I think he has a girlfriend.” That was all it took to take me back to Six Flags, take me back to the Raging Bull and the Demon with all their twists and turns and sudden drops. That rollercoaster, the one I’ve been stuck on since October has finally ended.

The day I found out was my birthday. Yeah, happy birthday to me… You didn’t come and find me to wish me a happy birthday or anything. Then I find out such an ugly truth through a rumor… What happened two months ago was probably should have told me this was coming

What happened? We were so close, and then just like that we had another one of your talks. Basically that means, you like me kinda, or if we want to say it in your way, and someone asked me if you liked me, you would say ish. You once again told me our friendship is important to you, but now isn’t a good time. You said there had to be someone out there who would be better than you for me. I told you it was unfair, we never gave things a fair shot, but I never thought it was actually the end.

It wasn’t the end there of course, because if it had been, we wouldn’t have fought. You wouldn’t have felt the need to keep something like having a girlfriend a secret from me. I would never have thought that I would possibly want you out of my life. I took that thought back instantly; you’re one of my closest guy friends, and for some reason even when I’m pissed at you the thought of you disappearing hurts me. We are friends, and honestly I’m ok with that. I hope you don’t think that you are the only guy I’ve liked this whole time. I mean yes I have kept up liking you but it’s not just you. There are guys from my grade school I want to get in touch with again, and even a couple of guys around school that have caught my eye. Ok, I know that that sounds bad, but it’s true.

Once again, my thoughts are jumping around. I’m sorry if it’s hard to follow. You have said that we are good friends time and time again, yet you somehow forgot to tell me you have a girlfriend. I don’t get it.

When I heard that, I was angry, no I was furious. I wasn’t angry that you had a girlfriend though; please don’t think that, because I’m not like that. I was angry that you didn’t tell me yourself. Your best friend confirmed things for me, and then I texted you. Probably not my best moment. I told you to forget it all, and just forget me. You told me you can’t and that you didn’t want this to happen. You said you wish you could have been a better friend about it. Yeah you could have, but oh well. You knew I was upset, and told me that if I wanted, you would stop talking to me if I wanted. I couldn’t let that happen, but I’m not sure why.

The next day at school I see you in the halls, and even tried to smile. I wouldn’t meet your eyes. Wow, how mature of me. When my friends asked what happened, I told them you had a girlfriend. They called you some colorful names. They told me to let you go, and that you were an a**. They even offered to beat you up for me, which is their way of saying they care. Haha jus the thought of my friends even trying to beat you up makes me laugh. Also that night I learned that when you went ice skating with me, you had already had a girlfriend for a few says. Why didn’t you tell me?

Yesterday I knew I would see you. But at school it was your turn to not meet my eyes. It made me sorry, not that it erased my anger, but it made me think that I handled the situation wrong. One of my friends told my that the coach gave you a killer workout. He told me that he thought it was karma, and I laughed. Last night I get to the show, and am greeted by your best friend, I don’t even know if you glanced my way. After the show I know you saw me. Maybe this is me reading too much into things, but you didn’t look happy. I could see it in your eyes even though we didn’t talk. My friends, so loyal, were telling me that you’re a jerk, yet that didn’t make me feel any better. I’ve lost close guy friends before, and I didn’t want that to happen with you. I did the only thing I could thing of. I texted you. All I said was “hey, I’m sorry.” Almost immediately, you responded telling me that you were sorry, you should have told me, and that you should have treated me better. Thank you, that simple sorry made the difference. Yes things aren’t quite the same but it’s a start. I told you, we all make mistakes, and you come back with this was kinda a big one.

Just remember, mistakes are what we learn from. They help us keep moving forward and push us to be better people. You think we need to talk, and I agree.

I saw you today, and we gave a mutual nod. It’s a start. My friends are divided on what they think. Some say you’re a good guy, and other say you can go to hell. I want to forgive you and go back to chilling and just being friends, but that is going to take a little work. If you are really willing to try, then yeah we will be just fine.

So while the rest of my life is spinning uncontrollably I have finally set foot back on solid ground. I got off of that rollercoaster I unknowingly got stuck on how ever many months ago it was. I’m ok doing that because I pretty sure that you’ll still be there for me if I ever need. In advance I want to say thank you. I know things won’t always be easy for us, but then again, that’s part of true friendship I won’t forget but I’ll move on. Que sera sera, or whatever will be will be. Maybe I’ll go back to that rollercoaster sometime, and maybe it will be with you, or maybe not. . I just want you to know, my feet are planted on the ground and my face is toward the sun.





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