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Tick Tock. Tick Tock.
I hate it. As much as I wanted to lift my hand and throw that impossible clock away, I can’t. Cause I wont gain, but lose some more. It wasn’t as if I needed to lose. I’m already losing.
I’m dreading every minute, every second that passes by. I’m dreading my imperfect life. And I couldn’t help thinking how my Oh-so-perfect life vanish before my eyes?
I keep on repeating that question.
My life’s a mess. I, myself is a wreck. And there’s no one I could hold on to, no one I could trust.
Betrayal. That’s a bitter word in my lips. I’ve tasted it before and I never wanna taste it ever again. One single mistake and another burden comes up. One single blunder and I couldn’t trust anyone.
Doomsday for me is fast approaching. I bet someone’s out there laughing at my misery. Why can’t they just speed up the process and end my demise right now? If I had the strength I would finish it myself, but I couldn’t. Because I respect my creator so much that I couldn’t take away what’s not mine.
So here I am. Feeling wretched for days. I lost hope days ago. All feel right now is Agony, Hatred, and Regret.
Agony cause I’m so helpless. I couldn’t do anything to lighten the situation. All I could do was held back my fears and tears for everyone, like I always do. But I felt my cool façade slipping every second from so much emotion I’m hiding. I want to be selfish right now and show everyone my true feelings. But as I said, I can’t trust anyone in this world, not anymore. So I Let my tears fall. Tears that longed to come out. Tears that’s been kept away from the world, for so long.
Hatred bubbled in my eyes. Hatred for them, hatred for myself. I hate them for ruining my life but then again I hate myself for letting this happen. And as much as I wanted to blame everything to them, I just couldn’t. Cause deep inside I know its not their fault, I just couldn’t bring myself to believe that its not them.
And there’s regret. The regret of being able to watch from the sidelines as my life of polished life was taken out of my hands .
So much emotions. Maybe too much for a one girl to handle, but I have to. I have no choice. I gotta keep holding on. For my family, for my friends, and for myself.
I gotta accept the fact that this is just a trial, not the end. Although I cant, I must and I will. I must learn from this example and move on, even thought its gonna be hard. But hey, I’ve been through many things before and I handled them all why is this one any different? As I see clarity from the dark mist that surrounds me these days, I realized that my life isn’t perfect, it was just alright.
After all nobody’s life is perfect. Everybody has a flaw. Cause were all Imperfect.