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The Girl

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A girl about 14 was walking through the forest and she heard a sharp sound coming from the bushes, she didn’t know what it was so she goes to find out. Then when she gets close enough some guys grabs her and takes her away. He puts his hands on her mouth so that no one can hear her scream. The guy takes her into his van and drives off. When she looks up she see’s three guys. She can’t see them because she is still dizzy. She doesn’t no where she is. All she can hear is the two guys talking; she can’t under stand them because they are speaking another language that she doesn’t know.

All of a sudden the van stops and she hears the van doors open and she dashes for the streets. She ran far and hard as she can. When she gets to a stop she takes out her phone and calls 911 and reports where she is at and what happened. They track down the phone but they can only catch one guy.

Her mom comes speeding down the busy high way and finds her with a cop. The mother stops fast and turns around and stops next to the police car. The mother walks out crying. She starts to yell at the police man. She grabs the daughter and tells her to get into the car and buckle up. So the girl did what she was told. The mother slams the door shut and starts the engine. The engine comes to life and the mother speeds down the street not caring if she gets pulled over.

When they get to the house, the girl stomps up stairs and slams her door and locks it. She turns up her music and starts to write her thoughts.

When her dad gets home, she runs down stairs, gives her dad a hug and says I am glad to see your home. The dad looks very confused but still hugs his daughter. The dad looks into the daughters eyes, he felt what she felt.

At dinner the daughter started to talk about her day and she told him about the three guys that kidnapped her and that she ran away. The dad gave her a blank look. He looked very confused. He finally started to talk and that he should have left and that it was his fault that she got kidnapped and that he won’t leave her again.

So the next day came and the little girl saw the same van that kidnapped her and she just looked at it. The guy looked at her and told her to come, but she was smart and stayed, then the guy started to walk out of the van and walked over to her. He gave her candy and her stupid self took it.





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This article has 30 comments. Post your own now!

AndrewC said...
Apr. 16, 2010 at 7:42 pm
Its really good. Like what others have said though: I think a little more discription of thoughts and stuff... but really good job. Keep it up
 
Fallen_Cries replied...
Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:23 am
i have been adding detail, but i havnt posted the new thing... thanks tho(:
 
KiraKira said...
Apr. 14, 2010 at 7:46 pm
again I think you need a bit more sensory detail. Really get into the character, and its more than just putting down words. You need to create a person not just a name and not just an object. Give her feeling, life, ideas.... Give her a world
 
Fallen_Cries replied...
Apr. 15, 2010 at 8:12 am

I have... i have to reupload the finished story...

 

 
VampChick49 said...
Mar. 26, 2010 at 11:28 am
taylor this is your bff
 
Fallen55 replied...
Mar. 29, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Hey alli:P
 
VampKitty010 replied...
Mar. 30, 2010 at 7:55 am
Alli!! :D whats up?
 
Fallen55 replied...
Mar. 30, 2010 at 10:41 am
Omg!!!! i wrote a letter to Caleb!!! and its talking about something serise!! i will tell you 5th periodxD
 
VampKitty010 said...
Mar. 22, 2010 at 10:52 am
Taylor you have great style and you are a great writer. Keep it up!
 
Fallen55 replied...
Mar. 22, 2010 at 10:54 am
i love you gurl:) thanks... i am writing another story..l and when i am done ill let you read and tell me what you think... :) love you tiff..
 
VampKitty010 replied...
Mar. 22, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Love you too!:D
 
Fallen55 replied...
Mar. 29, 2010 at 1:26 pm
YAY!!!!! lol hope everythings work with your bf... i had to give you a hug when i saw you, you looked sad when i walked by you with my bf
 
VampKitty010 replied...
Mar. 30, 2010 at 7:55 am
I was because he was makin me mad. But everything is fine now. he said he'd lighten up.
 
Fallen55 replied...
Mar. 30, 2010 at 10:42 am
yay!!!!1 and if he hurts you.. you know where i is everday!!! love you baby gurl
 
VampKitty010 replied...
Apr. 1, 2010 at 10:34 am
Lol xD yeaaa. I know. :P anyway. im scared to walk in the office!! D: there are a ton of cops around the front office with thier hands on thier guns. x]
 
Kay4theRoses said...
Mar. 17, 2010 at 10:35 am
You deffintely have your own style.
check out my latest stuff.
comment and rate- i'll return the favor
=)
 
TEETEE replied...
Mar. 19, 2010 at 9:22 pm
YOU SHOULD HAVE GAVE MORE DETAIL IN THE STORY
 
Fallen55 replied...
Mar. 22, 2010 at 9:35 am
i have more stories, and i also write poetry, i have one called I WISH... read that one and tell me what you think... and dont talk bad about this story, its my 1st story i wrote and i will make it better, just give me some ttime and i wil post the same story but better(:
 
J. Rae said...
Mar. 14, 2010 at 9:02 pm
This was really good but you rushed through everything. You should drag out the suspense more, add more detail. In the first two paragraphs a girl was kidnapped, she escapes and calls the police, then one of the bad guys get caught! With a story like this you could spend four paragraphs describing the abduction.
 
Fallen55 replied...
Mar. 22, 2010 at 9:12 am
i should.. thanks
 
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