Loneliness; the state of being lonely in a solitary isolation. To you, it may be just a word for people who as you’d say are “desperate” but to me it’s a life. My name is Leslie, Leslie Anne. My Dad died five years ago. After he died, my Mom disappeared. I woke up one morning and she was gone. I wished on every dandelion I passed but they never worked. The seeds disappeared beyond my sight just like her. I guess that’s just how the world works, people leave. I have no family. It’s not just family either, I don’t have friends. I used to, I really did but I’m afraid to get close to anyone again. I am surrounded by the coldness of my body creeping out. I don’t have trust with anyone. Everyone makes empty promises. I hate myself and I can say that with all honesty. Nothing ever stays the same. People say they love you and the next day leave. Love isn’t like they say it is in the movies. It’s full of pain or at least all the love I’ve experienced. I swear I’m numb. I never feel any emotions anymore, not since she walked out. I never even cried. I suppose she didn’t need me anymore or I wasn’t good enough. If I ever get the chance one day I’ll ask her. Then again, maybe I won’t because I’m not sure I’d want to hear the answer. I am not even sure why I get up every day or why I even allow my lungs to take in air. All I’m doing is wasting space and taking air from the lives of people who deserve it. After all, who wants to breathe in loneliness someone else has exhaled? I sit there by the water, watching it crash at the shore. It’s full of life and freedom. My toes sink into the sand as my knees are tucked into my chest with my arms wrapped around them as a sense of security. Everyone needs someone. Everyone needs a hand sometime. I need someone.
February 27, 2010