Girl in the black raincoat

February 25, 2010
The girl in the black rain coat was on the run again. She wore this rain coat everywhere. It was from her father and when he abandoned her, she kept it with her all the time. She had been in and out of foster care but all she wanted was her dad. He had a new family and when she didn’t fit in he gave her away. She never stopped loving him.*

“Allen and Debbie were great people, but they wanted to adopt me.”
“Yea…” My psychiatrist was confused.
“My dad is coming for me… I know it!” I said with out a tear in my eye, it had taken along time for me to be able to talk about my dad.
“Honey…your dad isn’t coming back for you!” My psychiatrist and I had a deal to be very blunt with each other. I told her I hated her, and she always told me my dad was never coming back for me. It was a love-hate relationship.
“Ok…I don’t want to be adopted…My dad will come.”
“Eve, why don’t you go back to your room, and I’ll come and see you tomorrow?”
“Ok” I walked back to my room slowly. He was coming for me. He won’t leave me… forever.
I went to sleep and dreamt about my father:

We were at the park; this was before his hag wife came along. I was 4.
“Push me higher Daddy!”
“Ok…baby, be careful!”
I fell off the swing and daddy still made me feel better.

“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy…”
I kept repeating it, and then I started to scream it. The nurses came in and took me to the special room; I couldn’t use my hands or feet. Also when I could get out of bed without restraints the door was locked. I had no friends, but the four walls. I also had a roommate. He was funny, he got adopted though.

I was let out of the special room the next week. I am back on all of my meds, and have to see my psychiatrist every day. One of my nurses always brought me over. Today it was Gloria…Gloria was amazing. She was intelligent, beautiful, and knew a lot about boys.
“Why do they pull my hair?”
“Because they think you’re pretty.”
Gloria left me and Dr. Heidi alone, so we could talk.
“So why did you run away?”
“They wanted to adopt me…My dad is coming for me!”
“No he’s not…”
“Yes! I’m going to find him.”
“Fine! I will find him & you can talk to him…ok?”
I waited 3 months before Dr. Heidi told me she found him. She said he told her that he was only coming to straighten me out. I waited an extra week.
*The girl in the black rain coat was sprawled across the floor. The red blood made her look so pale and dead, the black raincoat clashed with her skin and blood. Her wrists were sliced and she had cuts all down her body. Her father had come earlier that day and told her he never wanted her. That taking her from her abusive and alcoholic mother was a mistake. That he was happy with his new family, told her she should let someone adopt her& move on& be happy. She left a note on the counter top.

“I loved him too much! I need to die. He doesn’t love me back. Goodbye daddy! I love you!


She was no more… Her words only live on in her father that has no guilt or shame! He forgot about her after the first week and never thought about her again. Goodbye to the girl in the black rain coat.

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