I dont really know what to make of this | Teen Ink

I dont really know what to make of this

February 23, 2010
By tooFULL BRONZE, Carson, California
tooFULL BRONZE, Carson, California
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

A little written note said it all.
Sorry Mike,I just don’t love you anymore he found it on the kitchen refrigerator hold up by the picture magnet she bought for him at the gift shop. He never did liked that magnet and now he felt a certain hatred for it. He looked at the picture over and over again trying to figure out why he wasn’t smiling at all in it.
Jenny was so happy that day. The whole point of taking a 21 hours drive to the clear mountain lake on a cold autumn breeze was to finally pop the question. Oh I guess I was just nervous he thought looking at the picture one more time. Coming back from his memories of that day, he looked at the watch. Shoot I can’t be late I thought not for this. He took his car keys from the counter and took a last look at the note. He then proceed to take it off and tossed it to the trashcan hoping the whole thing was just an unpleasant dream.
As he turned the key on the ignition he saw something on the rear view mirror. A bright red ball on his roof. Ah a little late wouldn’t be a big deal I guess he got out of his truck and stood on the back of his car.
He jumped trying to get the bright blood red ball out of the gutter. Huh I never noticed how high this truck was he thought while looking around. His hands touched the soft bumpy skin of the ball and also the slimy what ever it was in the gutter. Arhhh I gotta remember to clean out this gutter he jumped slightly and reached for the ball one last time. Grip I got it.
He slowly came down off his bluish gray car and thought how dull it was. All this for a ball, that isn’t even mine or even know where it came from he laughed at how ridicule it actually was. He put the car on his car window. He turned on the car and started to drive. He looked over his house and realized how big it really seemed now without Jenny.

The author's comments:
This is something that i wrote during SSR and i thought i could keep it interesting but hit a little snag...

i would like any comment constructive criticism

please be sure to be clear and concise so i can get use the advice

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