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Samantha and James
“I’m sorry; Samantha, but the cancer took him. He’s gone.”
The doctor slowly backed away from me, and I started to shake. My fingers began to tremble all the way through to my toes in my tiny shoes. You couldn’t be gone, I knew you couldn’t. My denial would bring you back, my complete denial would make the heart monitor beat in a steady pulse once more. But no matter how long I seemed to stare at the black screen, the tiny straight green line flowing through the center, the green line never wavered to my will. It mocked me, that tiny green line; it mocked me and made me ferocious on the inside. I felt angry on the inside, like I wanted to scream out and punch something. If that doctor comes back in, I thought, his face would become a bloody sack in my hands, because James is dead now and-
And that’s when it all hit me. It was like smashing my short body into a brick wall. James was gone. That was it. There was no more smiling, no more laughing together, no more hearing that stupid joke he always makes about my height. There insignificant, but so important to my love James and our beginning of life with each would be no more kisses from his soft lips, and no more hugs from his strong arms when I needed a safe place to cry. His shoulder was cold now, and would permanently stay that way. My eyes filled with tears as I slowly laid my head this rock hard shoulder, and I started to sob. The sobs later turned into screams, and inside this hysteria that my mind had created to numb the pain, my mind remembered something; something that happened three years ago. As I was remembering this, I seemed to live it again, and travel back to that precious moment in time for only a short while, even though it felt like an eternity.
The sky above me seemed to cry out in pain and protest to me, almost saying, “No don’t continue on, you don’t deserve to live.” The sky cried out with me, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about the fact that my sketchers were soaking wet and my body twitched from the cold. I cared about nothing. Too many things have gone wrong in my life for me too feel more pain now, so what did it matter?
The bridge I stood on seemed to sway and creek under my feet, almost urging me to jump off. Slowly, I put my hand on the dripping railing, my knuckles white with tension, as I climbed up the bottom rung of the railing. The water below the bridge roared with the windy turmoil surrounding us. It excited me to see this; I knew I would be killed faster with this, because sadly, I can’t swim. It was a perfect way to go, in a way that I had no escape for myself. It was completely full proof. Not a single soul knew that I was on top of this random bridge in the middle of no where, and I hadn’t told anyone that I was going anywhere on this lonely Saturday night. I was alone, and that was how I liked it.
My foot reached the second rung, and my back had to bend down to keep hold of the first rung. I had to say my inner goodbyes before I left. I wished that my mom wouldn’t be sad, and I hoped my dad wouldn’t become an isolated man because of my death. I wondered if anyone at school would notice, and I was curious as to whether my few friends would come to my funeral. I laughed to myself at the thought that I HAD any friends at all, because I knew I really didn’t. I had “friends” that laughed and joked with me in person, but behind my back they decided to say I was a crazy girl who could never do anything right. I was always screwing up one way or another, that’s me for you. I ca never get anything right. Mostly, I apologized to James, the nicest person I could never meet. I pleaded in my head to God to give James a happier life after I was gone. I knew I was the reason he was always worrying, and the reason as to why his grades had dropped. I wasn’t good enough for him, but no I was releasing him. I was releasing my so called “friends” as well. I was going to show to them that I was smart all along. I’m going to kill myself, which is all I’m made to do with my poor, insignificant life.
I slowly let my hands release from the wet bar, and my back straightened. I was ready. My right foot lifted to the top rung, the wet rubber squeaking under my foot. I stood, about to lift my left foot off the second rung, when I heard small footsteps behind me. They weren’t calm footsteps, like a walking person would have; they were quick footsteps, almost like someone running. Although I heard it, I didn’t care as I lifted my last cling to life off the bottom rung, for my poor balance would let me slip into the water below. The footsteps because even faster as time seemed to slow down, and I heard my name shouted somewhere in the distance. After what seemed like a lift time, gravity started to take over, and my body began to fall over the edge. I felt my body become weightless, and more weightless still as I angle closer and closer to the water. All this was expected to me, except the sudden wrapping of something strong around my waist. I felt it pulling me back towards the sidewalk of the bridge, and before I knew what had happened, there I was, sitting across from a panting, crying James.
He threw his arms around me as his sobs shook his entire body. I did not embrace him back. “Samantha,” he choked out, “how could you do this to me? Why would you do this to me?”
The look that crossed my face was complete shock. “James? Why did you stop me?” I began to get angry with him, until he next spoke.
“Samantha, I know you think that you’re not good enough for me, but here’s the thing.” He stopped, took a large breath, then continued. “Even though you’re not as skinny as every other girl, and you may not have the prettiest face in the entire world, it’s the prettiest face that I have ever seen, and will ever continue to see. This face is the one that I think about every morning when I wake up, and when the sun sets. No matter how many times you try to drive me away, or leave me, I will always come back to you and catch you when you’re about to fall. Samantha, I love you and you can’t change that. So don’t ever try and fix it, or I swear I’ll chain you up and kiss you until you believe me.”
He took my face in his cold hands, and touched his sorrowful lips to mine. James kissed me with more passion then I had ever thought possible under only the eyes of the rain and God. His hands ran through my hair and his arms tightened around me, never wanting to let me go. I understood that my place wasn’t with God anymore. Someone, no matter if it was only one person, or my whole world, finally needed and wanted me more then I ever thought possible. I chose to stay forever in his arms, until some unknown force pulled me away from him.
And as my screaming continued inside of the tiny hospital room, three doctors rushed in to pull me away. I clutched to James’ cold dead body in a desperate attempt to pull him back to me, but the doctors were stronger. They raked me out of him room, and that was the last I ever saw of James. All I saw after that were the blank walls of my small room, and all I heard were James’ final words to me. “Samantha, I love you and
you can’t change that. So don’t ever try and fix it, or I swear I’ll chain you up and kiss you until you believe me.” I curl up into a tiny ball whenever I heard these words, and I cry, just like I am now, wishing so hard for death, but never allowing it to come. For I made a promise; I made a promise to never try anything like that again, to a strong man with strong arms and a strong heart. I sealed this promise with a kiss, and kisses can never be broken.