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It wasn’t pleasant.
But it wasn’t unpleasant either.
The soft, warm body nestled against her.
The scent of baby powder, shampoo, and just innocence, wafted up her nose.
Looking down she noticed that the baby boy was sleeping, his mouth opening softly with each exhale. His face was completely relaxed.
Suddenly it changed. His entire face screwed up, like he had just smelt something bad, and he let out a loud wail, piercing the quiet of the room. His little face turned red slowly, as his cries increased, and his arms worked their way free of the blanket and waved in the air.
Sighing the young mother brought her new born son up against her shoulder and began bouncing in place. The cries didn’t lessen any.
The young mother bent over and picked up the bottle full of disgusting smelling formula and gently placed it into the baby’s mouth. He began sucking greedily, obviously hunger again.
It was amazing really.
How something so bad, so horrible, could produce something so amazing and innocent.
The young, naïve baby was the result of a horrible crime.
It happened one night, when the now young mother was walking home alone from work late at night.
She was drug into the alley and raped. Then left for dead. A homeless man, hearing her screams, called the police.
The next day she was lying in the hospital, desperately trying to remove the images of the horrible night from her mind.
One month later she got the news. She was pregnant. With his child.
Battling against her pain and what she knew was right, she couldn’t decided whether to keep the child or not.
When they caught her rapist, and things settled down, she had come to her decision, she would be having a baby in eight months.
After much guilt, pain, and all around sadness, little baby James was brought in the world.
It wasn’t pleasant, raising the child of a horrible crime.
But wasn’t unpleasant either, the joy of raising a child, of finally being a mother, were constantly there.