What if everyone knew

February 5, 2010
I have a secret to tell you. You may not believe me, but feel blessed I am even telling you this. People are not who you think they are, no matter how open they may seem. There are things hidden, camouflaged in fake smiles, tucked away in the back of our minds. Unseen to the rest of the world, these things are ours to bear.

We are ashamed, we are afraid. What will he say? What will she say? What if they find out? What if I die? What if I don't wake up tomorrow? What if Dad's drunk again? What if, what if, what if. We walk down the hallways at school, at work, and in our own homes constantly veiling our true selves from the rest of humanity.

What if you knew that I was suicidal. What if you knew that I cry myself to sleep. What if you knew that I like girls. What if you knew everything that I don't want you to know.

I break promises, it's impossible to keep them all. I say yes when I really mean no. I say I'm fine when I'm really dying inside. I say I love you even when I hate you. I smile when I feel like crying, I laugh when I feel like dying. I hate life sometimes. I always want to give in. I say I'm strong, but in reality I am weak.

Secrets, lies, deception, half truths and exaggerations. You'll never know what's hidden in my mind, and I'll never know what's in yours. I'll never know that you hate me. I'll never know that you think about killing people everyday. I'll never know, because you hide it. It's your secret.

I hear people say it to their friends all the time, 'oh I'll tell you everything'. Everything. You'll tell them about the porn you watch, you'll tell them about how you like to see people hurt, you'll tell them about the scars on you wrists. Everything. I doubt it.

Secrecy is what holds everything together. Can you imagine how the world would be if you knew everything about everyone else? If they knew everything about you? The chaos that would ensue...I cannot even imagine. People would kill others for what they thought or what they had done. People would kill themselves because of their shame.

My secret is that I am aware of this secret. A secret so fragile, one so important. If the secret were to get out, what would happen? Would you ever trust anyone again? Would you try to change yourself so there was nothing to be kept secret? What would you do. If everyone knew.

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foreverhis123 said...
Feb. 17, 2010 at 2:57 pm
omg i love this!!!! its so true!!! i love the way u wrote this!!! please email me more stuff like this!!!!
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