Its Torture

January 29, 2010
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I had invested three years into hat man, three years I could I have spent partying with other men. Three years--wasted. I truly did love him though, I still love him. So here I am getting ready for his engagement party--why am I so masochistic?--not because I wanted to crash the party, but because my best friend was the bride.

It wasn't like she had stolen him from me; she actually had asked my permission before they started dating nearly eight months ago, and although my heart was still broken I had said yes, because I knew they were good for each other.

I do love Karter still but my heart has begun to re-patch itself up on its own since we broke up eighteen months ago.

Why did we break up?

My mother was very ill so I had transferred to New York State to be with her, since all of our family lives in Germany still. Previously I had been attending Texas State--where I had met Karter and Noel, my best friend/his fiancé. We had tried to make the long distance thing worked but our efforts went in vein; we grew apart, fought constantly, and he forgot why he loved me in the first place. His words, not mine.

So, instead of remaining miserable I broke it off.

So again here I am in my lovely GREENE outfit, stepping into the hotel that the party will be taking place.

Moments after I walk in the bride and groom to be greet me with open arms. "Nina," Karter says softly; my real name is Anina but my friends and family call me, 'Nina'.

"Karter." I say softly.

"Um..." Noel says trying to break the ice, "My aunt just arrived, I'm gonna go say 'hi'" She said with her slight southern twang. She told me millions of times of how she hated her accent; I tried to explain to her it wasn’t that bad and that having a thick German accent was much worse. I had spent my first seventeen years in Germany so the accent was here to stay.

Noel left, leaving me with my ex.

"Look, thank-you for being so good about all of this. I appreciate it, and I want to let you know it’s been really hard on me too." He looked down at his feet.

"Yeah." I sigh, "Its torture knowing that there was something you could've done but you didn't." I said looking straight into his eyes. "I tried to make it work--you didn’t. I feel much worse about all of this." I clear my throat and continue, "But I think that you and Noel make a better match, and I'm happy for you guys--mostly." I couldn't take it for a moment longer so I fled away from his shocked face.

I go to the bartender and order a shot of my friend Jose. The man who stood beside took notice to my order. "Jose? Rough day?" I nod, as I take the shot still not looking at the man.

"Are you a friend of the bride or groom?" I look over at the man, only to be pleasantly surprised. He was gorgeous head to toe, black hair, slightly muscular, an adorable grin, and brilliant jade eyes.

It took me a minute to remember his question, and another minute to determine the answer. "I dated the groom for three years; the bride is my best friend." Might as well lay it all out on the table.

"Ooohh, rough." I was about to say something until he spoke again, "What’s your name?" I gave him my full name, 'Anina'.

"Tell you what, Ani, I'm pretty close with the band that’s playing for the party and I'll make sure they play a song just for you." He winked at me, and ran. I didn’t even get his name. Never, had anyone ever called me 'Ani' but I still loved it.

Five minutes, and one shot later I heard a familiar voice over the speaker, "Hey guys, this is Jason from the 100Gorillas and this song goes out to my new friend, Ani."

The opening cords for 'Pretty good looking' by The White Stripes began.

Jason, the mysterious and handsome man from the bar sang.

Oh yeah you're pretty good looking for a girl
But your back is so broken
And this feeling's still gonna linger on
Until the year 2525 now

Yeah you're pretty good looking for a girl
Your eyes are wide open
And your thoughts have been stolen by the boys
Who took you out and bought you everything you
Want now

Yeah you're pretty good looking
Oh yeah
You’re pretty good looking
Yes you're pretty good looking
Oh yeah
For a girl

Lots of people in this world
But I want to be your boy
To me that thought is sounding so absurd
And I don't Wanna be your toy
Cause you're pretty good looking for a girl
My future's wide open
But this feeling's still gonna linger on
Until I know everything I need to know now

Yeah you're pretty good looking
Oh yeah
You’re pretty good looking
Yes you're pretty good looking
Oh yeah
For a girl

"Once again for Ani AKA Anina." Most everyone in the room knew me and their heads snapped towards me. Jason announced a break after two more songs by Pearl Jam and The Smashing Pumpkins. He hopped off the stage and walked towards me.

"Pretty straight forward if you ask me." I smirk at him.

"How do you know I was singing to you? There are plenty of Anina's I know." He joked.

"I see." Again, he interrupted me.

"Where are you from?"

"Germany." I used to this question.

"I see, I've never dated anyone from a different country, Ani."

"Who said I was your girl?" I ask.

"Oh at least one date." He playfully said.

"Hmm..." I tap my chin, acting as if I was deep in thought, "Okay."

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