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That Warm Little Feeling
A slight smile beams across my face as I write this, and a warm feeling is bottling up inside my heart. I guess I know that feeling. I've never felt it before, but I've heard about it. It's called love. It is an amazing feeling. There's sunlight glowing in a dark room, and I can hear a whisper in the corner. “I love you, too,” I whisper back to the open air, but love has a strange way of working. And just as quickly as the warm feelings come...they go.
“You forgot to close your locker!” called out a voice from behind. I couldn't quite match the voice with its person, but I didn't care.
“Thanks! Could you close it for me?” I didn't actually know if the person who had informed me about my locker being open actually heard the request. I never turned around. I didn't even stop walking, but I didn't care. The only thing in my locker was books, and it didn't matter to me if someone took those from me.
I walked into a classroom. I didn't exactly know which one. I had gotten so used to my schedule that I didn't know which class I was in until the lecture started. It was all instinct during the four-minute delay between class times.
“Casey?” asked that voice again behind me. “Can I borrow your notes? I forgot to take mine yesterday.” I turned my head to look at a girl that I apparently knew. “Well?” she added.
“Uh...yeah. Sure,” I said.
“Thanks. You're a great friend, Casey. Just remember, Allison loves you!” And with that, she walked off.
“Allison? Was that her name?” I thought.
Sometimes I wonder if my life is missing something. I seem to know everyone, but not their names. I don't remember what classes I go to, just the path to each one. Everyone loved me, but I didn't know why. I'm “popular”; I would say, if that's even the word I would use. I sit with the right crowd at lunch, and I seem to be the center of attention, but for some reason, I don't feel as if I'm living my life right. I feel as if someone is looking down at me right now and thinking, “She could do better.”
Let's face it. My life needs excitement, and everyone knows it.
“Here are those notes, Allison,” I said, un-clipping the notes out of my binder.
“Thanks!” she said, maybe a little too perky.
“Woah!” I gasped, as I noticed a new face in a once empty desk.
“Who is that?” I asked.
“I don't know. Maybe he's new,” Allison said with half disgust in her voice and half interest.
“Well I'm gonna go find out.” The potential energy inside my body lured me toward a boy sitting in a row directly in front of me.
I walked to the seat next to the “new” kid. His eyes were almost like crystal, but they had a slight hint of hazel to them. His hair was a brown and messy, but I loved that. I loved it all. He seemed perfect, to be honest. I examined him some more. Was there anything wrong with him? Maybe he was perfect.
“I've been popular,” I thought. “I've been hated. I've been a hero sometimes. I've been everyone's best friend apparently. I've even been a bully to some people at times, but have I even been in love? Was I in love?”
“Hi, I'm Casey,” I told the boy.
“Josh. Do you know where the science lab is?” He seemed to be rushing through his words and didn't ever seem to see me.
“Yeah. It's in the next hall. So where'd you move here from?” I threw out a flirtatious vibe.
“Why does it matter? I just asked where the science lab was, no need for an interview!” he rudely responded.
I wondered if this was just the pressure of a first day talking or if this frustrated, annoying attitude was normal.
“Look, kid. Are you in to me or not? You don't seem to be realizing this, but I'm flirting. Flirting,” I shot back.
Remember at the beginning of this story when I said love is strange? Well, this is where I support that statement. I admit I did fall in love with him fast, but it was deep.
“I have a girlfriend,” Josh announced.
“Oh, right. Oh well,” I said. “Like I would even ever go out with you,” I lied.
Half irritated and half heartbroken, I walked back to the seat next to Allison.
“So,” Allison started, “Single new guy have the hots for you?” She giggled a bit.
“His name is Josh, and no! Taken new guy has the hots for his girlfriend!”
“Oh.” Allison sunk her head into the notes I had given her and started to copy them down.
I don't know why Allison stayed quiet after that, but she did. Maybe it was a normal thing. I didn't know if I had ever been dumped before. Maybe it was one of those things you 're supposed to do when something happens, like when you say “Long live the king” once the king has died. But the depth that I fell into didn't go away through the next period. I found myself looking in his direction, each time hoping he was looking at me. The sad part was, each time he actually did look at me, disgust filled the air. How could someone with such lovable looks have such a horrible personality?
I felt “saved by the bell” as I headed to the place I called fifth period. I started to feel a tug toward Josh. I wanted to be by him every moment and talk to him every second, a “crush” you would say. I had heard that crushes were childish. I couldn't disagree, to be honest, but I couldn't help it.
As time went by, the silent smiles I used to show people faded, and real ones appeared in their place. Life became something to live. Every day I woke up just to come to school and just to see him. The warm feeling I called love felt a little bit different every day, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst, but it at least gave me something to live for.
Pretty soon, his arrogance overwhelmed me, and my tug grew looser until it was no more.
“Hey Allison,” I said, walking into fourth period again. I felt surprised I had actually remembered her name this time.
“Hey. Haha, look! It's Josh again, sitting alone. Will he ever be nice enough to make a friend?” she playfully teased.
We both giggled. I guess this story really does have a happy ending.