"If Only..."

January 21, 2010
She felt that burning feeling on her neck and knew that he was watching her. She turned around and slowly their eyes met. Whenever she looked into those chocolate eyes, she knew her life was a little worth living. She had been in love with him since she was old enough to get butterflies whenever he spoke to her. Her knees would shake at the mere sound of her name through his baby pink lips. She felt extraordinary whenever he looked at her, and she could feel her bones melt any time he touched her. She loved him with every ounce of her being, from her head down to her toes. And yet, sadly, he had only one thing on his mind since he first met her. He knew she loved him and would give her life to see him happy, so he used that power to break her into a thousand tiny pieces that he could control. He played his game well, and she couldn’t help but fall for him even when she knew what he was. A heartbreaker.

He told her he was “changed” and a “brand new man” and she believed every word. Everything went good for awhile and she couldn’t believe that they had lasted 4 months, but all good things come to an end, eventually. When she questioned him about the mysterious “friend” who seemed like so much more, she got that same old line, “She’s just a good friend” and even though she knew he lied, she stayed true. She always wondered why he choose her and when she asked, he always said “I love you, that’s why.”

She was new and no one had ever touched her and he wanted to be the 1st so that’s why he held off making his move for so long. Finally he decided it was time. I mean 4 ½ months was more than long enough, he thought. He planned for so long and saved up for the better things like the most expensive restaurant and he even rented a nice car so he was just so sure all his hard work wouldn’t go unrewarded and she would be swept off her feet. She, on the other hand, had a long, tiresome, day at school and just wanted a hot shower and a long nap. She got his text, dressed, put on her biggest smile and hoped for a smooth, peaceful, and fast date. Dinner was long and they said little. The movie was cornball and way too lovie dovie. All he knew was he wanted something in return for all the time he spent wooing her. She thought for sure that he was going to take her straight home, but he drove right past her house to the park. He drove to the darkest spot, far away from all the late night joggers and people walking their dogs. He sat there for a moment thinking of how to “set the mood,” but all he could think of was how bad the date went and her bad attitude. Finally, he snapped and just pushed the seat back and started kissing her, but he was way too rough. All of a sudden he was everywhere, and she couldn’t breathe or think straight. She felt trapped. She thought she had wanted this and she did, but not now, not like this. He finished and started the car. She felt empty, sad, hurt, and most of all angry! All this time she thought that his warm brown eyes, soft coco skin, and pearly white smile were the parts of the man she loved. But they were parts of the evil little boy she accidently fell for. It all finally fell into place, like someone opening a window and letting in a fresh breeze. She looked at him and saw the monster he was. She felt sick enough to throw-up and when she got home, that’s what she did.

Two years passed by and Gabriel looks just like his father. All the months she spent hiding him by wearing baggy clothes and just claiming she was gaining weight whenever someone commented on her fast growing stomach. She didn’t tell anyone besides him, and he denied everything saying she was “too easy” and that “anybody could be the father”. She was too afraid to tell anyone and it stayed like that for 8 months until she finally told her best friend two weeks before January 22 when little Gabriel was born. She wasn’t ready for all the pain but as soon as she heard him cry, she relaxed instantly. She finally got to hold him and she remembered feeling so happy until he opened his eyes. She had so many flash backs of his dead beat dad come flooding back and she knew, in that moment, she couldn’t keep him. Now two years later she’s finally found someone to adopt him and she’s driving with tears in her eyes to his new home. And as she drops him into the arms of his new mother, she hears her heart break and her last thought as she waves goodbye and buckles up is “if only…”

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