Looking Back...I'm Sorry

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I remember that sinking feeling that hit my stomach as I walked ito my class in sixth grade and relized I didn't know a single person there. This is middle school and I am in the smart class now, I remember thinking. I was doomed to years of extremely high expectations while my other friends had it easy in a normal class. How could I possibly survive on my own?

I have that same sinking feeling now standing here with Mary and all her new friends. Every second that feeling of being an outsider grows stronger and stronger making me want to hide.

I couldn't believe the words coming out of Mary's mouth or the way she was behaving. Making plans to sneak out and go to a party! Still, we've been friends for four years and I'm not giving up because the Mary I once knew is in there somewhere.



I was sitting there reading the second Harry Potter book when someone sat down beside me. "Even in this class people are still immature idoits," a voice muttered.

I looked up, unable to believe someone was talking to me.

"I'm Mary," she added before asking why I was sitting in a corner by myself.

"Well, my name is Chloe but I go by Chlo," I replied and returned to my book. We were a month into the school year and I had grown use to being the bookworm loner. It was just easier to deal with chracters than people.

"Chlo, you seem to be the only sane person here. Happy reading!" She got up and left.

She was a good person and different from the rest. I think that's why I let her be my friend.



"I'm dating someone now." Mary and I were sitting in class passing notes. Her note wasn't much of a surprise at first. We're in tenth grade and she's always been the boy crazy one, so it wasn't like this would be her first boyfriend.

"Who?" I passed the note back and pretended to be listening to the Ms. Fredson as she explained binary compounds. The entire time I'm really scrolling through names trying to figure out who this new mystery prince was.

She drops the note onto my desk just as the bell rings and I eagerly unfold it. No name. Only,"you promise not to freak?"

Quickly I catch up with her in the hallway. She doesn't say a word. I beg all the way to the cafeteria and finally as I hand the lunch lady my money and leave the line she whispers,"Claudia."

I nod calmly but inside I'm screaming up a storm. What a way for me to find out the my best friend is bi...or even a complete lesbian.



I haven't spoken to Mary since that day at lunch. I heard she broke up with Claudia last year and is dating some college girl.

She was my best friend and I was her worse friend. I feel like a pile of crap and wish I could go back and make things right.

I think I might talk to her after the cermony. We're adults now and letting stupid high school propblems win is stupid.

I'll tell her I'm sorry even if she doesn't believe me. Maybe it's not too late.





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