So here I am. Standing alone at a crossroad. Terrified. I have to make a choice. Which path is best? Depending on what I choose my life will be radically different. Each path brings something new and different: different rewards and different trials. But I’m standing. That first step could change everything. If I go in the wrong direction, everything could fall apart. Although none of the roads are one-way streets, picking a starting point is incredibly difficult. Where will that first step take me? It is becoming necessary that I step, that I move, that I not allow myself to be stagnant any longer. I have to try. But which path do I choose? Just one step. I can do this. That’s all I need is one step. Breathe. I don’t know if I can do this. What if what looks like a two-way street actually isn’t and once I go down that road I can’t come back? What if I don’t get a second chance? How do I know that it will be all right in the end? Perhaps I can simply stay here where I am comfortable and nothing is challenging. I know this place. I know everything about it and how to navigate it. Perhaps I will simply stand here for a little while longer. No. No, I can’t do that. I have to make a decision. It will only take one step. Just one. After that I can see how I like being there and then decide to step again. I only need to decide which path to head towards. Only, what do I want? I want to not be afraid anymore. I want to be strong. Those that are strong only got strong by pushing through their fears and fighting through the pain. So I will fight. I will choose. This is not the end, but the beginning. No fear, no sadness, only hope. Hope that the future will be better. Hope that I can change the world, that I will change the world. Okay. To hell with second-guessing myself. Forget all of the doubts and leave behind all indecision. This is my life and I decide what succeeds and what fails. This is mine. Deep breath. Step.
This Is Not The End
January 20, 2010