I Love Him, I Love Him Not

By , Beverly Hills, CA
I immediately recognized Chace’s voice about 50 feet away, and looked ahead to see his short, black hair. He stood about 9 inches above Logan, his best friend. I smiled thinking about how much I loved him.

I quickly walked towards him as he opened the doors. I slipped my arm around his waist and without looking at me; he put his arm around my shoulder and finished talking to Logan. Then he turned towards me, smiled so bright I felt blind, and kissed my nose, just like he did whenever he was in a good mood.

Like Logan, I stood about 9 inches shorter than him. “Okay, dude. So I’ll call you later,” Chace said to Logan as he walked towards his car.


Then Chace looked towards me again and inhaled. “Ready for your amazing surprise?” He asked, enthusiastically. I chuckled at his excitement about being with me.

No guy had ever put this effort into making me this happy. No one cared, except for Chace. “You know how much I hate surprises. You have to tell me.”

He smirked, “Nope.” I sighed and walked to the driver’s side of the car, opening it. I got in, and immediately Chace leaned over to kiss me. I was hardly in the car.

I pulled away, “What was that for?”

“Now I have to tell you why I want to kiss you?” I laughed again and started backing out of the parking lot. I took my right hand off the steering wheel and put it on the gear shift, like I always did. Then he laced his fingers with mine, like he always did.

I knew that Chace loved me, but he never actually said he did. But I didn’t either. And anyway, we had only been together for almost 5 months. It would be exactly 5 on Christmas. But Chace and I had known each other since we were 10, and I had a crush on him since I was 12. That was five years ago, and I still love him.

The whole car drive was silent, but there didn’t need to be any sound. It was like we could read each other’s thoughts, so we didn’t have to speak. And I could always tell what he was thinking from how he held my hand.

Whenever I stopped quickly, he dug his nails into my hand. Whenever I sped up, he would squeeze my hand, and the rest of the time he would loosely hold my hand. We finally got home and I started to walk inside. He came up behind me and lightly moved his hand from my butt all the way up to my shoulder blades.

I opened the door, to be greeted by my dog, Manny, barking at Chace, then jumping up to kiss him. Chace always got down on his knees would pet Manny until he became uninterested.

Chace stood up, and said. “Oh, s***. I forgot something from the car. Be right back!” He ran out the door, and I noticed that he wasn’t missing anything. A minute later, he came in with a plastic bag from Stop & Shop.

“What’s that?” I asked curiously.

“Remember, surprise!” He said as he set it down on the kitchen table. “You’re gonna have to go sit in a different room. I frowned and went into the den.

“How long is this gonna take?”

“Come on Carrie, masterpieces take time.”

I sighed and turned on the Wii. I put in the Mario Kart. I played for about 30 minutes and asked if it was done yet. “Nada!” He yelled from the kitchen. So I put in another game and played some more. He still wasn’t done when I finished, so I turned on the TV and began to watch True Hollywood Story on some person I had never heard about.

After what seemed like an eternity, he said “Ready!” I turned off the TV and got up, realizing the smell of Italian food. I walked into the kitchen seeing a huge mess on the counter, but no food. “Dining room,” he said, and pointed behind him.

I walked in to see lit candles, plastic champagne glasses filled with diet coke, and about 4 trays of square pizzas, all with millions of toppings. I smiled as he came up behind me and wrapped his arm around my waist. “You said you wanted to try real Italian pizza.”

This was amazing. Because that was true. Chace was Italian, and I’ve always wanted authentic pizza, just like the Italians make. “But they’re not really ‘pizza’,” he said with air quotes. “That’s Americanized. As my grandmother says.”

I smiled and sat down at one of the plates, and he sat next to me. He started to cut the first pizza, or whatever it was. It had lumps of ricotta cheese, pieces of tomatoes, and a million other cheeses I couldn’t recognize.

For the rest of the night, we ate up all the pizzas and talked about almost everything. This was the great thing about Chace. You didn’t need something interesting to talk about. Then, out of nowhere, I said, “I love you.”

I realized what I had just said, but by then, he had said the same thing back and was leaning in towards me. His lips touched mine and I almost melted.


The next day at school was normal. I didn’t have any morning classes with him, or lunch. By the time fourth block came, I was so excited about seeing him that I almost skipped to class. My next class was Civics. It was my favorite because every one of my friends, and Chace, were in that class.

I walked in and sat down. I stared at the door, hoping the next person to walk in would be Chace. But he never came. Not even Logan. By the time the bell rang, I was worried. Chace had never skipped class, and neither did Logan. But I knew they were both here today.

I thought about this the entire class, and as the bell rang, I ran out the door towards the front doors. Once I was in the lobby, Mia, a really annoying girl, came up to me. “Ohmygod! Did you hear?”

“About what?”

“Chace and Logan! They got into, like, a fight. And now they’re like, suspended or something.” My mouth dropped open. How could this happen. They were best friends. I didn’t believe Mia, so I walked away.

But before I could reach the doors, someone else stopped me. I turned around to see Sydney. “Is it really true? I can’t believe they’d get into a fight.”

My mouth dropped open again, and I kept walking outside without answering Sydney. I stood at my car and called both Logan and Chace. After leaving voicemail messages, I gave up and drove to Chace’s house.

I parked in his driveway and waited. After about 20 minutes, Chace’s mom’s minivan drove up and I looked out the window to see Chace with his head down.

I got out and slammed the car door. Chace stepped out of the car and looked at me. His eye was purple and there was a spot of blood next to his nose. “Oh, my god! It’s true.”

He clenched his jaw. “I’m sorry Carrie.” He was apologizing for losing his temper. Something he always had a problem with.

“No…” I said as he was pulled inside by his mother.

“He can call you later,” she said.

So I went home and waited by my phone. He never called.





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