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Cherry Lollipop

I walk back and forth on Main Street for the forty seventh time today. I haven’t eaten anything today. My body is shaking and I could barely speak. People are passing by without noticing me at all. Actually the see me, but they just choose not to care. It was getting darker, my hands are shaking, my poster is falling apart and my pocket is empty. A little girl walked by. She smiles at me warmly holding her mother’s hand that is too busy looking at Christmas trees. She reached inside her pocket, pulled out a cherry lollipop and muttered “Merry Christmas”. I will never forget the kindness she gave me. Not only it was the only Christmas gift I’ve ever received in my five years of being homeless, but it was also the sweetest cherry lollipop I’ve ever tasted.



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Bookworm1998 said...
Sept. 4, 2011 at 8:01 pm:
this is great! your work is so nice to read!
 
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Aidyl said...
Sept. 10, 2010 at 8:55 pm:
I thought this was a sweet story, but your tenses are mixed up. Like how you say, "I walk back and forth..." Which is present tense, and then, "I could barely speak..." Which is past tense. It interrupted the flow of the story and was a little confusing.
 
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WritingLoverForever said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 10:24 pm:
Aw, this is really sweet. The sentences flow so seamlessly it almost sounds like it was no trouble for you to write a short story with a limited amount of words to use. I'm not sure if I'd have such an easy time with that. Great job. :)
 
billgamesh11 replied...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 6:43 pm :
Ditto! That was a beautiful short story!!! Great Job!!!:):):);)
 
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Saint_that_SinsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 6:19 pm:
I cant write short stories either! I don't know what it is, I guess they're just not in my hard-wiring. But I really admire people who can write short stories. This one is very good! Considering what a limit you had I am very very impressed!
 
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kate-the-shrew said...
May 1, 2010 at 12:06 pm:
I personally CANNOT write short stories. It doesn't work for me. But you did a really great job on this. It's really sweet and I felt really bad for the homeless person. My heart ached and I wished I could help. And when the little girl gave the lollipop, I smiled sadly because little people are often the ones that matter. They take the time to notice and make a difference in lives even though they don't know they are. As you grow older, you lose that generosity and grow selfish, looking out for... (more »)
 
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PoetLaureate07 said...
Feb. 24, 2010 at 10:07 am:
This is really sweet!!! Good job on the limited description... You also done a good job on the characters... WONDERFUL JOB!!! i reckon that sums it up... =)
 
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