I am Alice Green and I am an alcoholic

September 2, 2009
By Anonymous

Hello again.
I am Alice Green and I am an alcoholic.
I’ve been sober for two weeks now.
I keep on thinking if he will ever come back. But do I really want him to come back? That hated monster whose evil deeds cannot be justified? I don’t want him to come back…But maybe I do. Just to spit at him and crush him like the onions in my soup. He was like any murderer or a thief – his actions were like any murder or theft. He murdered by words, stole by that evil grin.
He lied, He spewed hate … He was an evil bully that preyed upon my miserable life.
I hated his smile because it was always fake.
I hated his eyes because they never saw.
I hated his laugh even more.
I hated his ears because they never listened.
I hated his lips because they never kissed.
I hated him like never before.
I hated hate too because it is a form of love.
Yet, to live and survive in such hate is a spectacular victory.
Mother taught me never to hate, because God said to love. But we all do hate, don’t we? We all abuse that word.
I couldn’t stand it.
So, I packed my bags and fled in fear…and lived hours of endless vile – in whispers, whispers … seducing whispers…invitations to numbness. Shhh!…Listen, maybe you can hear them too…
Life was too fraught with pain to live without some aid – a hand to grasp my crumpled shirt and pull me out. Then it took over me… like a quick intake of the breath or a swift blink of an eye.
Mother taught me never to drink, because God said so. But we all do fall into temptation, don’t we? We are all abused by it.

I am Alice Green. But I am no longer an alcoholic. I am no longer asleep. I will no longer hate, but feel pity for those who do. I will no longer drink, but feel pity for those who do. I will no longer love a man, but feel pity for those who don’t…
And I will no longer hate Alice Green…Because I AM Alice Green.

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