December 10, 2009
I saw the light. A single tear trickled down my cheek. I knew this was it. My way out of the darkness that had consumed me. With a trembling hand, I reached for it. I wanted it so bad. I was sick and tired of living this same day over and over. But following this path would not be easy. Not by a long shot. I lowered my hand. Another tear fell, then another, and not long after that my face was flooded with them and my knees gave. I just sat there on the ground; tears falling like rain drops in an April shower. I looked up and saw the light again. It was so far away and so hard to achieve, how could a girl like me ever reach it? I turned my head and looked at the path ahead of me. It was a dark and dangerous one. I peered back at the light and the answer hit me like a falling star hitting Earth. I knew what I wanted. I wanted Him in my life and I wanted Him for good. I took a deep breath and smiled. But my mind started to play back memories. Memories of my past attempts… and to that day, failures. Doubt filled my body and my eyes started to water. Before I had the chance to breakdown again, however, something caught my eye. It was something, no, someone and they were dressed in all white. I scrunched my forehead as I stared. Who was it? The person got closer and I realized who it was; “it” was my best friend. She kept walking to me and when she had closed the distance between us she held out her hand and spoke.

“You’ve got to get up, Jessi. Here, take my hand.” I grasped it and she pulled me up. I wiped the tears from my face and looked at her. She had a curious, yet worried look on her face. I knew this look. It was the “please tell me what’s wrong” look.

“I’ve tried so hard so many times to get God in my life,” I answered, “but every time I try, I fail. It seems like the harder I try, the harder everything gets.” Her expression changed and what could have been a smile was now shown.

“But this time will be different,” she encouraged, “You’ll have me by your side the whole time to help you in your times of need.” The smile was obvious after she said this. I tried to smile, but nothing came. She noticed this and continued.

“It’ll get better, I promise. I know that it seems hard, but that just means you’re doing something right. My mama told me last night that when you’re hurting and you have the world against you, you have the devil fighting you because he knows that he’s losing you to God.” In that moment I knew she was right and I wasn’t going to let the devil defeat me. I looked towards the light and then back at my best friend, Courtney and smiled. She held her hand out to me once more and I took it. We both looked towards at the “light” path and started to walk. What perils the devil would throw at us on this road, we did not know, but of where we were headed, we were sure.

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