Collidge Aplakashion Essay

December 10, 2009
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Overcoming the hurdles of life has defanettly been hard for me but thanks to good friends, drugs, and alcohol I did it easy.

For example last year my school made me take ramedeal English even though I wanted a double study. “Wow, this is stupid.” At first I didn’t even go to class, I just stayed home and played Zelda III. But then the inglesh teacher found me out and he called my mom all ticked off and stuff, so she called me all ticked off and stuff. This is an example of one of the hurdles that I was talking about.

So then I was forced to go to class. The teacher would talk and stuff, but I really didn’t no or care what he was saying. I didn’t care, at least, until he told me that I was failing and wouldn’t be able to get into college. This was another hurdle, for example.

So then I tried to listen to what he was saying but it just wasn’t clicking. Every time he’d call on me in class, I’d just have a massive brain fart. He’d get mad at me and make me read the vokabyalary words like a hundred times until I just wanted to punch myself in the face, and I still kept failing.

Then, I came to a turning point. I realized I needed help—I needed a tooter.

So then I asked this wicked smart kid to tooter me when he had free time and even though he didn’t really respond I could tell that in his mind, he was like, “Sure, whatever” in his head. We went to the liebrerry together after school and even though I thought it was totally going to blow it actually wasn’t that bad. I gave the kid $20 and he had all my homework done within the hour. He was really one heck of a tooter.

Unfortunately, I had more important things to buy, and I couldn’t afford to keep him, so I stopped with tootering. But in my last tootering seshin, he said the secret to doing well in school was caring about your schoolwork, and that if you didn’t care, you weren’t going to go far at all.

That’s when I realized I either had to start caring or stop wanting to good, and since I didn’t really feel all that happy about school, for example, I decided that instead I would care about more important things. I got this wicked awesome girlfriend who loved me even though I wasn’t an intellagint person and I even got this tattoo that said “I’ll do it later.” I got an under-the-table pharmacy job which raked in a lotta dough and I connected with a lot of good friends. That is why I said that good friends, drugs, and alcohol helped me overcome my tough time in school because that is totally what they did.

So I hope this makes you see that I really am a caring person and would be really good in your collidge. The moral of my life story is that sometimes, all it takes is a good tooter.

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This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

Writomania This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 2:33 am

i LOVED your article. It simply made me crack up. Especially the last sentence... the tattoo saying "i'll do it later".. your "tooter"..

Its a work of genius, mind you :P

boston418 replied...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 10:48 am
Thanks!  I wrote it for my best friend because she was getting really frustrated trying to write a good college esaay.  I'm glad you liked it :)
Dandelion said...
Feb. 10, 2010 at 11:13 am
Hahaha, this a very good satire, and it definitely made me laugh. I like how you spelled tutor; it took me a moment to realize what you mean after I saw "tooter."
boston418 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Feb. 10, 2010 at 11:41 am
Haha. Thanks :)
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