Typical Night
I woke up
Completely
Naked







Who is that?

Next to me was another
Nameless loser
From the club



What time is it?

The clock blinked
4:13 A.M



When did I say I’d be home?

Have to hurry,
Gather all of my things,
And book it.



Where are my panties?

Only one
Question
Left



Why do I keep doing this to him?

My Husband
Brett, is all that I could ask for in a man
Sweet,
Loyal,
And undeniably handsome.

Our relationship can be described as impeccable,
Nothing can bring us down,
Nothing except for…
My infidelity.

But everyone has a secret
Right?

Right?


WRONG.
He Never
Asks any questions
So, as I roll into bed
Our bed
At 5:00 A.M
He pulls me close,
And whispers in my ear
I love you, Kelly
Falls back asleep
And I lie awake
Feeling guiltier than
I did while I was
Screwing
Nameless Loser Number…
I’ve lost count
And my Dignity

But I Can’t Stop
I know that it’s wrong
Know that if he ever found out the truth
It would kill him
But something about the moment
The moment of sweet pleasure
Makes me want more
And knowing that there is nothing
More than the rawness of the sex
No attachments
Or emotions
Makes the attraction deeper
And I fall heavy into
The addiction.

Addiction
Most people are addicted to
Alcohol
Drugs
Porn
But me?
I’m addicted to Sex
Sex with strangers
And I won’t admit it to
Anyone
But myself
But that’s a step
At least I think it is


Think it’s time
For a change
Yet I find myself at the club again
Waiting to be approached

I know that it’ll happen
It always does

I see him from across the room
He winks, I smile
The game has just begun

It’s the same every time




Can I buy you a drink?



What will it cost me?


Flash him a flirty grin

Wait for the answer

I know that it’ll be the same
It’s always the same





Only a few hours of your time, beautiful.

The game has just begun
But I am in control

The tables turn
As I sit in this guy’s car
I think about Brett
Laying at home, sleeping
Dreaming of our “perfect” marriage

We get to his place
He walks up the stairs to his apartment
And I follow
Like a lost puppy dog

I suddenly don’t want to be here
A feeling I normally don’t get
I want to turn around
I start to tell him to take me back to my car

But I can see the lust in his eyes
And know that I’m not leaving
Without giving him something
He guides me into his bedroom
Doesn’t hesitate to start undressing
Pushes me onto his bed
And kisses me hard
I try to push him off

But he is strong
Stronger than I
I panic
Think about screaming

But all that comes out is a whisper

Please, Stop
He doesn’t stop
Doesn’t even look at me

I cry out in pain
As he thrusts inside of me
He still doesn’t stop
Still doesn’t look at me

I wait for him to finish
Lie lifeless under him
And tears fall from my eyes
One more whisper

I love you, Brett
I am no longer in control

He’s finished
Puts on his boxers
Hesitates
And says



Thanks for the good time.

Does he even realize
What just happened
What he just did…
I can’t even bring myself
To say the word

R

A


P



E




Brett Notices
The change in me
But still says nothing
I’ve grown distant
And passive

The Guy took a piece of me that night
A piece that I’ll never get back
And I wish that I could tell Brett

But what will he think of me?
Will he blame me?
Say I deserved it?

Most days I believe I did,
I walked into the situation
Set myself up
And got everything I asked for

A Month Passes By
And I’m late
Meaning Mother Nature
Forgot to give me my monthly gift

It has to be a mistake
She must have passed me by
And is going bring it to me later

But to be sure
I buy a pregnancy test
I know that it will read negative

But I want to be sure.
So I wait, one minute
Two minutes
Ten minutes

I look.
It’s positive.
POSITIVE?
There’s nothing positive about this






Reality Checks In
And it’s time I tell Brett
I sit him down
He asks



What’s wrong baby?


It’s the first time
He ever acknowledges
That we have a problem

I cry and cry
Gasp for breath
And finally gain control
Brace myself
And say





I’m pregnant…




That’s great news, Kelly,
Why are you crying?





It’s not your baby, Brett


I was…

What’s the word?


Raped.

It’s awhile before he says anything
But I see the rage
Building up in his eyes
Then he speaks in such a
Low, monotone voice
That it scares me





Tell me
everything, Kelly



From the very beginning.

I let the dam that held back
All of the memories, collapse
And the stories gush out
With such force
That by the time I’m finished
We’re both in tears
Gasping for air





He Gave Me an Ultimatum
Get help, or he’s gone.
I choose help
Not only for our sake,
But for mine, as well

So on my way to
Dr. Tate’s office
I smile
Something I haven’t done in months

I smile because I know
Things can only go up from here,
I think…
I KNOW I am better than all of this.