Snowing

Snow is coming down so hard that for once in your life you feel out of control you can’t see because every time you open your eyes a big snowflake fills it as you stumble to where you think your house is you realize the snow is at you waist you trip and fall on you face and as you struggle on the ground you aren’t making much progress because of all the clothes your wearing. When you finally crawl through the door into your house christmas music is playing, smell the warm hot cocoa and you feel the warmth of the house thawing the ice off your face. You peel off all of you snow clothes and dry your hair and face you make you way to the hot cocoa.





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littlewriter97 said...
Dec. 27, 2009 at 1:43 pm
I thought it definately described winter very well, you have a gift for descriptions!!! the only thing tht couldve made it better is the first sentence is a really long run-on sentence, maybe if you split those things up by putting periods there!
Other than tht BEAUTIFUL, and inspiring!
 
penguin35 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 23, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Really nice descriptions. The first sentence was a big run-on sentence, though. But you captured a great mood. I like the part about going in your warm house and smelling the hot cocoa. I live in New Hampshire and we get a lot of snow here, so I can relate.
 
DEMON said...
Dec. 23, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Ah, the lovely, unique snowflakes of winter! You captured the moment like that of a realistic child; Utah looks a celestial world when it snows. I liked "Snowing" yet I believe it was simple, and that you could improve. Will you be kind enough to judge...
"RAZED EXPECTATIONS"
Wisps of smoke danced into the wintry air from my lips, creating ornate designs that could never be replicated. I carefully tilted the corners of my lips into a smile that I meant to be wry... (more »)
 
DEMON said...
Dec. 23, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Her lovely green eyes shifted into hard emeralds.
“What do you know about me, Dare? And what’s so wrong with having dreams? And why are you talking to me like that? I was simply commenting on the sunset.” She tossed her red curls, clearly miffed.
I lifted my chin, and blew smoke in her face. It was easier on me when she was angry. I don’t know why she bothered with me. Why she was brave enough to confront me. Why she didn’t follow the laws of the sup... (more »)
 
littlewriter97 replied...
Dec. 27, 2009 at 1:38 pm
i loved your story so far, plz write more!!!!! you really do hav a gift for writing! if it was an option, i would rate it all stars!!!!
 
LivingInABasket said...
Dec. 23, 2009 at 3:45 am
Feels seasonal and comforting (the cocoa part). I can relate to it by looking out of my window...
 
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