I Was Always Here This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

November 20, 2009
I hold your hand. It's so pale, matching the shade of your ghostly white face. Your knees are drawn up to your chest, your other arm limply wrapped around them.

The air conditioning starts up, causing a racket in the tiny bathroom you and I are cramped into. Its noise competes with the sound of the steady flow of water coming out of the shower head and spilling over your hair. We're both soaked to the bone, but we don't mind.

I press my thumb into your wrist, and you wince. Gently, as if you're asleep, I try to bring my other hand to it as quietly as possible and apply even pressure. I tip my head forward and kiss the heel of your hand, because I love you.
We're alone in here, you stripped down you your underwear, I in my Kings of Leon t-shirt, jeans, and wet socks. The note is here as well, damp, clinging to the denim of my thigh. It's probably embarrassing to you that all didn't go as planned.

I was supposed to walk in and find you dead. And I was supposed to read the note and cry, and then I would tell your parents. But instead, you're awake...at least long enough for me to kiss your hands and tell you you're loved.

And somehow I can't believe you didn't realize...that I was always the one who would catch you when you fell, the one whose shoulder was a good place to cry, who brought DVDs to your house in the pouring rain so you wouldn't have to be alone, who threw away your razors just to give you a reason not to cut.
I was always here to read you stories because you cry in the dark...and six hours later I would bike over to help you sneak out. And I would hold your hand when your father called you on the phone, and we would go to the highest cliffs and the steepest roller-coasters because the adrenaline takes it off your mind. I would brush foundation onto your arms when you wore short-sleeves, because I wanted to save you from their words and remarks. I would cut class with you when you needed to cry.

I can't believe you didn't realize that in the end I would always be here, pressing my thumbs into your wrists to keep you alive.
Because I love you.

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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

ShahiroThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 31, 2012 at 4:19 pm
this is absolutley amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!
fall_from_grace said...
Dec. 30, 2009 at 8:51 pm
... I'm crying. This is heartbreaking and utterly wonderful, and it's made me cry.
LeslieAnn said...
Dec. 24, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Abosolutly increadible. Its very deep and i'm really impressed
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