Sorry Keith

October 29, 2009
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I open my eyes and see....

nothing.

When I say nothing I literally mean nothing, nada, zip, zilch.

I'm apparently in a white room.

First thing that pops into my head

"What the hell? If this is Heaven I am soo leaving a complaint in the suggestions box. If they have one, of course.

I thought Heaven was supposed to be like an airport where you're greeted by all of your dead loved ones.

I thought I was gonna be swimming in strips of bacon, have my own Slushie machine, watch Scrubs all day, and be married to George Clooney or some hot, rich Italian guy.

So what the frick am I supposed to do now?"

Then out of the blue - or in this case white - steps this figure.

There's a bright light so all I can see is this shadow walking toward me.

I lift my hand to cover the light, focus on the figure, discovering it's a man, and say "Is that you God or Jesus? Whoever greets people here?"

"No." The man says

"It's Keith from Accounting." He steps out of the shadow.

"Oh my gosh. Keith I didn't know you died. I'm so sorry, but now that you're dead you can't kill me for saying this. I never liked you, your hair, or your name. You smell too strongly of old people and you're a pompus ass. Your hair as we well know that it's fake looks like plastic and your name is just plain stupid. What kind of name is Keith? Did your parents accidently name you when they said "Keesh"?

"Umm, Betty?" Keith says

"Yeah?"

"We're not dead. You fell asleep in the new white building."

"Ohh" I back away "That explains alot. I'm just gonna go run for the door now." And I do.

Well, I'm sorry God or Jesus. I shall not put a complaint in the 'Suggestions Box'.

P.S. You should really look into getting one of those. They're nifty. Sorry again.

Sincerely,

Betty Laymore.





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