what next

November 12, 2009
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I don’t even know what to do next. There is so much to do but so little time. Ever since the accident I have been on the edge. I have to clean the house, do the laundry, cook Evan dinner, then pick him up from his friends house. Also after, I’m going to have to do the dishes. (Cool, I hate the dishes). Maybe we will just go to Taco Bell or something. Evan likes it and it is something quick and quick is always good because we never have enough time to do anything. He is probably all dirty too, seeing as he is probably one of the messiest little brothers on the planet.

After Evan and I were home I put in a load of laundry, and used my gain laundry soap which smells very good I might add. After he was all squeaky clean again, and had a full belly, I tried to put him to bed. It was about 9 o’clock at night and I could tell he was exhausted. But that didn’t really go over as well as I planned. He started asking questions, heartfelt, teary eyed questions. The questions were about our parents. “It’s been a long time, when will mommy come home?” As much as I knew that question was coming, I had no idea how to respond.

My parents had gone to pick of Evan from my grandparents house one night, Evan loved hearing about my grandpas silly stories, and they never came back. I called my grandparents and they said that my parents had never shown up. Later that night I had gotten a call from a special agent at the police station telling me that I had to come identify my parent’s bodies. Along the way to pick up Evan my parents were hit on the passenger side of the little Chevy car. It was snowing so, it was slippery and it was snowing hard enough to control the car. After the Dodge truck had hit the passenger side of the vehicle, my parent’s car was helpless and had no where so go but into the side of the brick mail post building. My dad who was driving died on impact, but my mother was struggling to survive but passed about 3 minutes after the paramedics arrived. They said she was so badly injured she didn’t even have a chance.

We told Evan that my parents just were leaving and were not coming back for a long time. He was only two years old when it had happened. It’s not like its any better now because he is three but we didn’t know what else to say to him. I wiped the tears that were rolling down my face away and looked at him and said, “It hasn’t been long enough.” As he began to cry I couldn’t help but cry with him. I missed my parents very much bit I felt even worse for him because he was so young and didn’t really get to know then. He probably wont even remember them, only by pictures and stories.

The next morning neither of us said anything about my parents. We just went about everything how we normally did. I made Evan pancakes and bacon. Those are his favorite. But instead of maple syrup we used chocolate syrup and whip cream. It gets him very hyper but its worth it. Its so good, and on a couple we even put peanut butter on first and then the chocolate syrup followed by whip cream. Its ok with me that he gets hyper though. I just take him to my grand parent’s house because I go to work. As I silently laugh to myself, we do the dishes and then get Evan dressed. The one big thing I learned is if you want to do more laundry put clean clothes on a boy with messy food. We will never do that again.

After I dropped him off at my grand parent’s I went to work. I love my job. I cannot wait for Evan to go to school, maybe he will be in my class! I am an elementary school teacher. I love when all the little kids come in and play with their toys and are so happy. They put some joy in my life. Everyone knows I need some. My days goes by pretty fast, pretty much all I do is play games with little kids and teach them how to read. Oh and we cant forget we color too! The kids love it, I think that is there favorite part. But anyways, when school gets out about 3:15pm I go home and get someone of my homework done. Such as grading and planning and fun things like that.

After I was done for the day and we on my way out the door, I got a phone call from my doctor. He had a hurt feeling in his voice, and I knew it couldn’t be good. I had gone to the doctors a few weeks before because I hadn’t been feeling well. But I didn’t think it was really anything to worry about. He told me that he wanted to talk to me in person. So before I picked up Evan I stopped at the doctors office. He told me the words I never wanted to hear. “you have cancer.” My heart dropped into my stomach and all I could think about was Evan. I was pretty much the only person he had left besides my grand parents but who knows how long they will stay around for.

I took my time to go get him, I was thinking. Should I tell him I am sick? Should I even tell my grand parent’s I was sick? Maybe I should just wait a couple more weeks, go through a few treatments and see how things go. For Evan’s sake I hope everything turns out for the best. He does not need another heart break.

When I arrived to my grand parent’s, Evan ran out the door and jumped into my arms. My eyes filled with tears as I realized this was going to be way harder than I thought.

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