I love you daddy

I lay in bed looking up at the ceiling .Its late. I should be getting my rest for school but I just can’t seem to go to sleep no matter how hard I try. My mind just won’t quit its racing with a thousand thoughts all at once. Is it true? Am I dreaming? If so when will I wake from this night mare end? When will it be over? But this is not a night mare and it will never be over. God, why did you let this happen to me? The flashbacks keep running though my mind just like me and you used to do when I was little. Those were the good days. When we where whole. A family.

I jump out of bed and start pacing. This is too much for me. I can’t breathe. I feel like my lungs have been ripped out. When will the pain go away? Does it ever go away? In the next room I can hear my mom crying. I should go comfort her but I can’t bear to see her like that. She tries to be strong around my brother and me but I know inside she’s hurting. I’m hurting to. I feel like a part of me is missing. I wish these episodes would stop. Maybe I should go look for my mom’s sleeping pills but with my luck ill properly find something that would kill me. That wouldn’t be so bad would it? I’d die and I’ll get to see you again. I guess people would miss me though but they would get over it. They could pretend I moved or something. I think that’s what people do when someone dies. Maybe I should do that but I’ll just be lien to myself and I could do that.
I still feel like at any moment you’ll walk through the doors and ask,” Did you miss me?” The back go my eyes start to burn. I tell myself to be strong but who am I kidding. My vision begins to blur. When will this pain go away?! I miss you so much it hurts, why did you have to leave me alone like this, it’s not fair! The tears try to escape but I wipe them away. I thought I was all cried out but I guess I was wrong. I love you daddy.





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