The Rollercoaster

November 2, 2009
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I look up and see the rising moon, and stars scattered haphazardly through the sky. The sky is that deep blue it is only just after the sun sets. All I can hear is people chatting, and the steady click of the roller coaster as we make our way to the top of the hill, but all of that is just background noise. I can’t feel my face, but I still can’t think of a more perfect moment. As to what you think, I haven’t the slightest. You wear this grin on your face, and just looking at it makes me smile uncontrollably. When I’m around you, that smile is all I wear. You pull up the hood of your grey Harvard sweatshirt to try and stay warm, laughing as you do knowing that it won’t do anything once we go down the drop.

Suddenly the clicking stops, we’ve reached the top. I’m happy that the rain from earlier stopped. The coaster pauses for a second, and then groans as we being our descent. You look at me and even in the darkness I can see your endless sky blue eyes. Do you know how beautiful I think those eyes are?

I’m laughing as the ice cold air stings my face. Suddenly my thoughts change from you to ‘its early October maybe 9:30 and it is literally freezing. Dang it!’ Then I think to myself ‘you are finally hanging with the boy you liked for so long and you are thinking about the weather, you are kinda stupid.’ This thought makes me laugh harder, and you get this confused look on your face.

After we get off the coaster I hear people say the wood is getting slippery, I say with a laugh that I’m going to fall. You turn to me totally serious and go ‘If you do I will try my hardest to catch you.’ Just like that *snap* you’re as cute as you can be, and I’m wearing that stupid grin. Its that whole cliché ‘the rest of the world fades out’ moment. Cheesy I know, but still. And just because the moment seems perfect, my friends pop up. Maybe appear is a better word because I have no idea where they came from, and with as loud as they are, I’m sure I would have heard them coming. Oh wait, just a minute ago I was so wrapped up in that boy that the world could have ended and I wouldn’t have noticed.

Earlier one of my friends, Hannah, pulled me aside and told me that her and Ellie approved of him. I mean that would be good, but I don’t even know how he feels about me. But it’s all good knowing that the people who know you best approve of your crush.

And because they approved they allowed us to “ditch” them, which he seemed all too eager to do. Yes, they do tend to spazz but it’s their personalities they can’t change it. The first thing I told him about today was that I apologize for my friends. Sure, he laughed it off then, but I was 100% completely serious. I think he understands that now. Or I could let my self daydream a little and say that it’s because he wanted to be alone with me and not that my friends scare him.

So we take a nice stroll around Six Flags, where we are going neither of us know. We just keep walking. We end up on the demon, and I tell him that I’m scared of going upside down. He assures me I’ll be fine and we get on. Well, we were the only people on the ride, and not having other people chatting made things seem weird. We talked, about what, I don’t know. Since there is no line, we ride it once more then get off. I check the time and we have to make our way back to the bus.

We got back quicker than I thought and got to talking(again) this time it was about bus rides. How he used to take the bus in middle school, how last year I rode the short bus once or twice and my mom wanted pictures, how neither of us thought we could sleep on a bus. All of it was pretty mindless, but nonetheless every word stuck in my mind.

As the bus pulls away from the park, all of the kids on it are buzzing with energy or exhaustion. My friends were telling me about the roller coasters they went on when we ditched and all of the sudden you were asleep. My friend found this hilarious and started saying things like ‘hey! What’s your favorite color?’ Your head bobbed but you were sound asleep. We hit a bump and you woke up. I told you you could go back to sleep and you didn’t believe you were asleep at all… but then Hannah just had to know, she goes “hey! What’s your favorite color?” You look confused but answer anyways. Green, that’s your favorite.

Everything goes quiet and Hannah hits my head and goes, contact is ok. I laughed, knowing exactly what she meant and put my head on your shoulder. You shifted positions so my head rubbed your neck. I don’t know how long I sat like that ‘sleeping’ but eventually you put your arm around me and moved my head to your chest. Now there was no way I was falling asleep. I heard the conversation of the kids on the bus as they asked where I was, and where you were. Hannah laughed and goes ‘well they’re asleep.’ I might have thought that earlier was perfect, but I was wrong. This was perfection. And once again, the moment was ruined by Hannah. The bus was pulling into school, and she nudged my foot. The moment I moved you did too. You were sitting up, looking a little dazed. Then again, most people are at midnight.

We got off the bus and drove back to my house to wait for your mom to pick you up. We chatted, you said the night was awesome and you left with a hug. Later I would learn that my mom was spying on us from around the corner and laugh.

The next day, Saturday, is a total blur. I know I did something; I just don’t have a clue as to what it was.
Sunday I literally run into Ellie, and don’t worry that was on purpose. She tells me how adorable me and you are and how even though we don’t know it, we’re in love. I laughed at it but it made me smile.
It has been about a month since that Friday. It was Oct. 9th, and yes it is weird that I still remember that. Every time I dream about it I don’t know to smile or cry.

I had that dream last night. I woke up to my alarm, the song ‘Almost Lover’ by A Fine Frenzy mocking me. I laugh bitterly at the irony and pure coincidence.

A lot has happened in that month, you were asked if you liked me, I was asked if we had a thing, people heard about us falling asleep on the bus. The most important thing that happened though was the talk we had that Friday. I remember every word of that conversation too. You told me that our friendship was important, that you didn’t want us to end like you and your last girlfriend, and that you weren’t ready for a relationship. You told me you and your last girlfriend were close like we were, and that you two talking now is awkward and you didn’t want that for us. I told you we should risk it, that our friendship would last. You wouldn’t budge Then you go and don’t talk to me. Some friendship… What’s the worst part of all of this? You told me you kinda liked me too. Why, oh why couldn’t you be the bad guy and tell me you didn’t like me?! It makes moving on impossible.

Haha, then there was retreat. You were in a different group, but sources tell me you looked terrible when it came to actually talking about relationships. I know its bad, but I hope that if you were upset, it was because of me. I don’t mean it in a bad way. I guess I want reassurance that I’m still important.

We’ve talked some since all of this happened, but I feel like you won’t look me in the eyes, I miss those endless eyes. I loved getting lost in them.

By the way, Ellie isn’t happy with you. Had I given her your cellphone number, she would have told you this herself. And by the way, if you ever read this you don’t need to tell me, just think about it. Or, you know, you could tell me. I know the later part is kind of rushed and incoherent, but that’s how life had been for me. I’ve had friends freak out, a petty fight or two with the parental units, and worrying about grades for first quarter. Then the cherry on top is my nice confused feelings. Remember that roller coaster from Six Flags, that is my life.





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