Dead Hearts

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The cold February air brushed past me as I walked through the eerie trees. Snow slowly fell and formed a blanket on the cold earth. Old leaves from the fall were losing their fight for control of the earth.

The wind stung my tear stained cheeks. I fix the scarf I wore so it would protect me from the cold. The wind still penetrated the protective barrier. I felt cold on the tip of my skin and inside my broken heart.

I walked with a secret destination in mind. I thought in the back of my mind of going…there. I kept it a secret to the rest of my mind so my reasoning and conscious would not hear what I was thinking.

I was almost there. I could feel it make my bones go cold. I have gotten lost in these woods so many times trying to get to my destination. Today, though, I was not lost. My legs knew exactly where to take me even though my mind said, “No.”

A broken and rusted fence blocked the rest of my path. Many times before He would lift me over the fence even though I pleaded to let me just walk through. Then, as I was over he would stand on the other side. I would stand on the other side wishing he could come by my side again. Now that I was alone, I walked through the crack in the fence without the wishing of being with Him.

The fence was the only thing blocking me from the house. A few rows of trees and I would be there.

Why had I trudged through falling snow and cold to come to an empty house? Surrounded by trees it stood, nearly crumbling before my eyes.

I trekked to the front door of the abandoned house. We found this one summer as we walked away from everything. We stepped in the house and spiders were crawling up the wall. A couch sat in the middle of room connected to the kitchen. The kitchen and the living room had no wall separating them. The fireplace was dusty and had smoke stains it was beautiful.

Now, as I open the creaking door I see the improved sanctuary we had made together. The walls weren’t as decrepit as they were when we stumbled upon it. Pictures hung on the walls and the fireplace was clean. A table was in front of the couch where we would put a laptop to watch movies.

My head was filled up with thoughts of one day we would have a place of our own. Somewhere out of this town and we would have to be together. This is where we would run away from our problems.

He and I would pretend it was five years from now. We would have a beautiful mansion. Little kids would be rushing around. After school we would come here and do homework and talk about future plans.

It is cold not. No fire in the fireplace. Pictures are off the walls. Termites have eaten away at the walls. All our dreams are now ruins. Any moment the house could crumble in and die. I welcomed that thought. I could die with the house.

Years have passed since he and I last saw each other. The last time I saw him he was cold and pale. His eyes were shut and I thought about never seeing his mesmerizing hazel eyes again. A scar was covered up by makeup. Most think the scar was from the fight but it wasn’t. It was a scar I accidently gave him as we fixed up our “house.”

Years of aging have destroyed this house. Years of living without him had destroyed me. I still live in our old hometown. I still don’t live in a mansion. The promises he had said to me died with him.

Forever he will be marked by a stone. The stone that reads his name and name only cannot show his greatness. Each promise buried with him. Thoughts of him still are here, in this house.

I walked over to the couch where he and I once sat and dreamed. I lay down and watched spiders crawl over it. At one time in my life I would yell and scream at the sight of them but today I go numb.

Cold air rushes to me and turns my skin and blood cold. I feel as if I am not alone anymore and I feel like I am being watched.

I close my eyes and let myself sleep. Forever my eyes will be closed. Forever my heart will be still. Forever I will be with him.





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