Pandora's Box

November 6, 2009
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Pandora’s Box



Right now I am having a problem. You see the problem is that I am too nice. I do not speak up. I do not express my feelings at the time I should. I always feel the feeling at the wrong time, and that totally sucks. Why may you ask? To tell you the truth,I don’t know. The friend type is what I am, never changed. Although sometimes I wish that I could get out of that box. I no longer want to be known as innocent, that’s the thing. It’s so nerve racking. Brand new is what needs to happen. I’m going to transform myself.

Transform myself into the opposite of innocent. Different image,different image,that will help. Maybe a personality make over?Try not to give out the friend vibe anymore. That was definitely the wrong move. Now I’m stuck where I am and I can’t do anything about it. So, so disappointing. How do I fix this? No one knows.

I just can’t deal with the fact that I missed out on the forever perfect. He didn’t recognisse how I really felt. Although,I don’t blame him,I never showed it. Now I totally regret it. Being a teenager sucks. LIFE SUCKS. I’m sorry if I’m not the most optimistic person reader, but it’s true life does suck,it is reality. Reality,reality what a word. All I know is that I have the potential of losing him forever. I can’t hide this from him anymore. But if you look at will me telling him really change anything. Not really, so its pointless for me to humiliate myself like that. He’ll live his life same as always. And I’ll be forced to follow suit.

Just go along with my day. Make sure it is as boring as humanly possible. Try not to think of course, you see where that gets me. Sometimes I do over analyze, and that is what gets on my nerves. I wish I was numb,so no one or thing can hurt me. Because this mental pain is unbearable.

I am usually very careless, nothing ever matters to me. But for some reason this really gets to me.It’s eating me up inside,aaah!!! Probably because I was in denial, I didn’t realize I liked him the way “they” kept telling me. And when I finally did admit it to myself, it was too late, What a bummer.

As I said before, “its life I’ll get over it.” But my question is what if I don’t, what happens then? Will I feel this agonizing for the rest of eternity? Or will I be able to confront him, and still keep my dignity? All of these questions make everything so much more confusing.





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