Naive, child

Your eyelashes flutter as dreams plagued your sleeping mind. My own shadowed eyes, heavy with their own promise of sleep, ran themselves over your fail body. You never knew of the nights I spent laying awake, memorizing each individual freckle on your face. The freckles that you so eagerly covered with make-up every morning, deeming them flaws. I never had the ability to view those sporadic freckles as flaws; no matter how many of your sweet breathes you used trying to convince me otherwise. I was them merely as part of you.


Darling, you were so naïve. You always spoke of fairy tale love, a prince charming who would forever love you. I believed such love to be childish, but you still continued to search for your knight in shining armor. But truth be told, you never found such a person, though you believe you did many, many times. And though I would never tell you, it hurt me to know that I was neither beautiful nor perfect enough to be the one you spend your adolescent years in search of. I was simply never enough for you.

I had fallen in love with you. Leaving fingerprints across my heart, and I never tried to wipe them away. Everyone saw it in my eyes; the feelings you never believed me to really feel. You, darling, broke me.


I felt so much pain over you, but not because of your ever so silent rejection, time and time again. No, I wept as I watched you change yourself over and over again; trying to be the girl you thought they wanted. You held no self value for the person you truly were; the person that very few had the actual pleasure of meeting.

You told me over and over again that you’d found him; found the boy who would be your everything. I had learned long ago to say nothing as I saw back and watched the show you put on. The cruel boys, who picked you up, making your feel like the center of their world, and just as suddenly, drop you onto the dirt they walked on. They left you, sobbing on the bathroom floor, blaming yourself in every possible way. I watched you try to put on a brave face, telling me you were fine, that there were a million other boys. You never were fine though, and every time they left, I watched the light inside you start to fade away.

I wanted to scream at you so many times, about just how foolish you were being. I waited and waited for you to notice, to realize that I was the person you kept looking for. I wanted you to see what every other person saw in my eyes; the adoration, the way I loved you unconditionally.

You would tell me daily how you just wanted to be loved. I would smile and hope you would finally see me as that person, instead of just your best friend.

You never did.





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