One ounce of weakness drove me here. I thought I had controlled the emotions well. My mistake was burying them alive. You were hidden from my thoughts for what seemed like an eternity. My life was confusing enough without you in it, but I crumbled and let you back into my mind which opened all gates to my heart. Oh how I've missed you. My heart, once a protected and heavily guarded gate from you now swings wide open and vulnerable. Although it's open, yours is still shut. But I imagine your heart as an empty glass just waiting. Your glass waits for me to fill it, I can feel that. I picture it more beautiful than any other I have ever entered. It is not guarded and has no lock, but you made sure it was cemented shut. You make it clear that you do not want to be opened yet, I can't stay away, and I live for the challenge. All I have is my own hands that I must use to break away at the cement. And even though my hands are broken, bleeding and numb I still dig, I work for just that one extra step closer to you. I will never give up. I have spent years and years digging and still I only break the surface. One day I will find my way in; I will fix you up and repair what everyone else has put to shame. I just need your cement to disappear for some kind of chance. Oh how I've missed you.
November 9, 2009